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14 year old dd wants to go to a concert w/"bf" and his Dad. What would you do?

She had seen this bf outside of school (at our home, supervised) and it got out of control...they could not seem to find much to do together besides hold hands, hug, watch you tube , select movies (that HE wanted to watch), never wanted to go for a walk w/us, wouldn't go swimming, didn't want to sit by the fire and toast marshmallows (doesn't like them) , but wanted to go out to the backyard in the dark w/dd, then kissing started up, wouldn't call his Dad to pick him up when I said it was time, spent far too much time over here and my dd stopped wanting to see her friends. We said no more dating until perhaps 16, we'll see and explained that she needed some boundaries. She still sees him in school and texts him on a limited basis. So, now she asks if she can possibly "and you don't need to answer, but would you think about it", go to an Aerosmith concert w/him and his Dad. "it's not a date really"...ya, right. Thoughts

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dflygirl7

Asked by dflygirl7 at 8:18 AM on Apr. 15, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (41)
  • if you dont let her date him she will rebel...but the concert thing i dont see a problem with it unless the dad is irresponsible to....and tell the boy what you think is right and not.....and then if he dont listen just then let them see each other at school....(but if she has friends she might try to tell you that she with them just to be with him)...im telling you this becuase i know she just gonna rebel and holding hands and hugging isnt a problem....KISSING LEADS INTO SEX.............IM NOT TRYINIG TO TELL YOU HOW TO RAISE YOUR KID BUT you asked for opions(Sp?)
    ( i did the same thing and now look at me im 18 w/2 kids but im with the father or my kids)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:25 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I would really not let her go. I mean it seems like he would be the type to take advantage. you know what i mean. that is too risky. it also sounds like a familiar relationship i had. you should sit down and talk to your daughter that a bf that only wants to do what he wants to do and nothing she wants to do, and already doesn't have respect for her parents is not going to be a loving caring bf. it sounds like he is too controlling and possibly too old for her. she is too young to experience a relationship like that. she's 14 years old and she doesn't see her friends anymore that is another sign of a controlling bf. she needs to get out of that relationship. good luck
    2wndrfl_btrflys

    Answer by 2wndrfl_btrflys at 8:26 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • yep.....i agree with 2wndrfl
    Mamaof2010

    Answer by Mamaof2010 at 8:28 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Depends. What do you think of his Dad? You have to be careful because you don't want to be to overbearing or she could rebel. If you think his father is responsible enough to keep an eye on them then I say let her go. Sit down with her and let her know that you trust her and let her know that you will be texting her periodically to check up on her. You sound like a good mom so I'm sure raised a good girl. Have more faith in her.

    vnw1405

    Answer by vnw1405 at 8:29 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • i would definitely talk to the dad. if you find him responsible i'd let her go. you can't keep her locked up, even though that's what most parents want to do.
    r_elizabeth2290

    Answer by r_elizabeth2290 at 8:38 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I wouldn't let my 14 year old go. No Way. Now 16 thats different story. My daughter was not allowed to date until she turned 15, and that is a limited dating, BF comes over here, she never goes there. They go to the movies but she brings her 13 yrold brother and his friends so it ends up being more of a baby sitting gig then a date. They report back to us every handholding detail LOL.
    However my daughter is like me and loves Areosmith so I would offer to take her myself if it was about just going to see the concert.
    Vanessannd

    Answer by Vanessannd at 8:45 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • She's 14!! She doesn't need a boyfriend! I would say NO! If she gets mad, oh well! You're the parent! Explain to her what you just explained to us. She'll get mad and cry and whatever, but she's 14, she'll get over it.
    tel4him

    Answer by tel4him at 8:51 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I think whether or not you allow her to go depends on how well you know the boy's dad and whether or not you can trust him to be vigilant to keep things in check. If these children are going to be in the back seat of his car with all kinds of opportunity for the boy to be groping your daughter, then I think you tell her she can't go. I think you have the responsibility to protect her from that for as long as you possibly can. Any kind of sexual activity clouds the brain and causes girls especially from seeing the true character of the guys involved. Dating is for the purpose of selecting a husband. Unless your daughter is mature enough to choose a man of character and be a wife, you are very wise to not allow her to be with a guy without your supervision or to be under the supervision of someone who is on the same page as you are. It's hard being different, but it is well worth the effort. So stay strong, Mom!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:03 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I have a 14 yr old daughter who is in the 9th grade, so I am going to say this as the mother of a teenager. YOu should have never allowed her to "date" to begin with. Fourteen yr old children have no business dating. Hanging out with friends in a group is one thing, but one on one dating is a no no. He did exactly what was expected of him. He took her into an isolated area and they began making out. So now that this is done, you are doing the right thing by backing the trolley up and changing the rules. I get tired of hearing...well, if you don't let her, she will rebel. Thats not an excuse for letting our teens do whatever the hell they want, because were afraid. Fine , let her rebel. You get mean and tough and let her know that youre the boss and if she doesnt like it, then oh well. Youre doing it because you love her not because you want to be mean. I would say no to the concert. The same thing is likely to happen.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:06 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I think it depends how well you know and trust the boy's father. If you know him and trust him, let her go have a good time at the concert. I

    As far as them having nothing to do besides hold hands, watch YouTube, etc and not wanting to go on walks or roast marshmallows with the family, that is normal teenager stuff. She is growing up and things are going to change.
    ohbladi

    Answer by ohbladi at 9:16 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

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