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How can i get my 8 and 11 year old to respect my husband?

I have a 8 year old with ADHD and learning problems and he has no respect for my husband. I have a 11 year old that in his preteen stage. Both the boys thinks no matter what my husband says to them he is yelling at them, even if all he does his ask a simple question.

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Carrot022699

Asked by Carrot022699 at 9:14 AM on Apr. 15, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (7)
  • You can t do this. Its between him and them. He has to command respect from them. Does he do things that are respectable? or are they just giving him heck because hes not their dad?
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:19 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Is he their father? If so then he needs to demand respect and let them know its not going to happen and they will not act that way. If he is the step father then you both need to sit them down and let them know its not acceptable and that just because he says something does not mean he is yelling, mad or upset with them. Find out what their issues are with him. Talk to them without your husband around and see if maybe they fear him so they act out or maybe its a lack of fear. No child likes discipline but they need it to become productive, respectful young men. Set up the rules and boundaries and stick to them no matter what. Back your husband 100% no matter what, if you don't agree with him then talk to him about it privately and come up with punishments together so they see your a team and they can't play you against each other.
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:19 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I have this problem with my 8 yo too, he is also ADHD. I tend to be the "rescuer" though, and would step in sometimes and play referee. Once my husband and I talked about it, I figured out my part in it and stepped back. He is harder on him at times, but if I bite my tounge long enough and my son sees that, he conceeds and will apologize to his dad. This has been what works best for us, and he is showing alot more respect in the house. If I havent have help my tongue and seen it with my own eyes I wouldnt have thought it was possible. GL, maybe let him show the boys some tough love and it will get the point accross.
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 9:19 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Is he their dad or their step-dad? If he's their dad, you teach them to respect him by your example and by praising him to them in his presence. If he's their step-dad, there are probably feelings of hostility toward him because he is not their real dad. If it's the step-dad scenario, I think you just have to give it time. They may come to see that he is their friend and not their enemy, but both you and he need to understand why they are having trouble accepting him. I would not tolerate blatant disrespect of him, any more than I would if it were directed toward a teacher, a neighbor, or anyone else.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:21 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Children learn respect when parents are morally and ethically responsible, and set clear boundaries and expectations of respect (or face the consequences of being disrespectful).

    You cannot just "ask" for respect. Children will respect a parent that reminds them in no uncertain terms what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, and by setting a good example.

    My husband's brother and SIL set absolutely NO boundaries for their now grown children. Theey constantly criticized each other in front of their kids, treated their children as young adults when they were young, and never followed through on ultimatums, expectations, rules, groundings, etc. The children have been nothing but disrespectful of them, and none of them have amounted to much...not surprised as to why!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 11:53 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I think a lot of people have already asked this question, but is he their birth father or their step father?
    jennijune_21

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 3:17 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • one of the best ways is by you showing him respect, building him up in front of them, demonstrating your respect and speaking well of him always.

    and for your husband to show you and them respect and being consistant with things like discipline.

    and making rules- talking dispresctfully, showing disrespect gets disciplined. Make sure you have a list of what constitutes disrespect so they know what is expected.

    all 3 of my boys have ADHDand other disorders, but we've not had any problems with disrespect.
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 3:26 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

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