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sex talk?

so this is prompted by a question i saw asking when do you expect your kids to have sex
one mom said she had oral at 9 and intercourse at 11
maybe im nieve but that seems soooo young
when do you have the talk (what age)
and how do you approach the subject?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Apr. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • 9 and 11? Wow - that is not cool.
    Anyway, I think when they start asking questions (if you have open kids) My son is turning 9 in a few weeks nd he has started asking me questions. I always answer truthfully. Thank God he is COMPLETELY not into any of it, just is curious because he hears kids talk on the bus and doesn't know what they are talking about. My 7 year old daughter is oblivious.

    Answer by pattigioeli at 12:38 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • The reality is, it doesn't matter how much you don't want your kids to know about these things until they are mature, can't watch them 24/7 and unfortunately some kids around our kids are more advanced. My 8 year old doesn't ask questions about the S 12 year olds hear their friends at school talk about it all the time (i have a boy & a girl that are 12) I suggest being open with your child (to a certain extend) and let them ask questions, the more open you are the more comfortable they will be in coming to you. some parents get uptight and the kids go elsewhere for answers.

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 12:43 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • im ok with answering questions, the prob is i want him to hear things from me before kids from school so i dont know when is appropriate

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Go to the Oprah website. She had a whole show the other day about the talk and everything. There is a neat little hand book that you can download. Its very useful and it has ages and stuff when to tell what.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I think the age for each kid can be different, and the circumstances.

    My sister had to tell her 3 girls when they were in 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade because a lot of things were going on at their school, including 2 5th graders trying to do it in the janitor's closet. So she wanted them to hear as much from her as possible, instead of picking it up from school.

    I don't think there will be a set age for my family, just when we see the need and can tell our kids are ready for it.

    Answer by julipickle2 at 12:59 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I have the talk about 8yo with my boys and daughter. I tell them both that they are getting older and so it was time to have the "big kid" talk. I touch on sex, drugs, and drinking. With my little girl I plan on doing what my mom did and incorporate masturbation into the sex talk. Tell her that it is normal, and much better than boys for the next 10 to 15 years. I will talk to her about toys and let her know that it is ok, that if/when she is ready or curious about masturbation to come to me and together we will find what works best for her (books, pictures, toys, etc)

    Answer by vbongard at 12:59 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I thought I'd wait until about 11 or so..that is until I found out my 8 year old son had been experimenting with his friends-boys and girls. I freaked out because I thought for sure he must have been sexually abused or something to even know about stuff like that. I didn't have the slightest desire to try anything sexual until much older. I talked to several people about it- family and friends- and they all said it's pretty normal. Normal?!?! That's scary! So yeah, apparentlywe need to start with the sex talking much earlier then our parents did with us! I think it's partly the media we have to blame. You really have to be careful what your child is seeing and hearing. Even if you don't let them watch inappropriate things, you never know what their friends at school are telling them about. I'm actually considering homeschooling now.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I wasn't interested in boys til I was 17, I also had sex for the first time @ that age and then I met my bf who im with now when I had barely turned 18 and then I had our daughter when I was 19 and now I'll be 22 soon.
    I think everyone is different the age someone starts being interested in sex will depend on the people you surround yourself with, your self esteem, and ( more high school related) popularity, if your popular more people want 2 do it with you therefore you have more of a chance in being pressured and giving in 2 that presure 2 do it earlier, then if you aren't popular because your self esteem may be so low that you feel no one would ever want 2 have sex with you therefore you have less of a chance of being pressured in to doing it because of so many insecurities some would shy away at the mere talk of sex let alone actually being asked 2 participate

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • My son is almost 8 now, and I have had a few conversations with him to cover the basics. I am pregnant now, and he knows that baby's come from a moms egg and a dads sperm, though he doesn't know how they mix yet. He knows that a vagina is how babies are normally born too. By the third grade I intend on letting him know what sex is and that I would like him to wait as long as possible. A good friend of mine has an 11 year old daughter who has told her that kids at her school have sex in the bathroom. In today's world I think sooner is better than later. Kids hear and know a LOT more than I did in the 80's and I want my son to know the facts so that he goes into those conversations educated.

    Answer by kitten_shuga at 1:56 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I just have a quick thought to add to all of this...particularly those who are shocked at how "young" kids start wondering/experimenting.

    If you think way back...when girls were married off at 12 or 14, purity was stressed greatly during that time. These girls (most anyway) were ready for marriage and sex at that point, just because of the culture and how people grew up...I do think they would've been much more mature than kids today because they had to grow up and weren't allowed the leniency today's kids are to do what they want and grow up when they want.

    Anyway...jump ahead to the now and you've got a culture where sex is EVERYWHERE. If you think about it, it's not surprising that 6 year olds are playing around with sex...they're naturally curious about their bodies and having all kinds of ads and movies and such out there just leads them that step further. (Cont'd)

    Answer by ACsLady at 2:11 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

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