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Why are parents so quick to punish but don't consider the opportunity to talk?

I have noticed over the past several months (well, almost a year really since I started this site) that every time a situation arises with a young child that is a PERFECT opportunity to talk with them about sex (i.e. My child walked in on us having sex; I caught my child touching herself; my son was looking at porn, etc.) parents are so quick to punish?

Why not embrace these opportunity's to talk with your child about what they are feeling? I also have seen recently a lot of questions regarding who talked to YOU about sex or your period when you were younger, and almost NO ONE said their parents. Wouldn't you like to change that trend? Don't you want your kids to be open with you and come to you with questions? Punishing them for being curious about their bodies and the opposite sex is not setting a good foundation of trust between you and your child...

Am I the only one that thinks this way?

Answer Question
 
CarolynBarnett

Asked by CarolynBarnett at 2:24 PM on Apr. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 4 (29 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • You're not the only one that thinks like this. I also find it odd that people punish for natural behaviour.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 2:29 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I am one of the use the opportunity to talk moms. My son is 13, we had the talk at 11. But, we led up to a big talk. He was guided into it. He hardly ever gets punished. I am a consenual parent. We dicuss and talk it out and plan and decide. We come up with solutions to problems, I don't have reactions to incedents.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 2:29 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I agree. Why punish for being CURIOUS about NATURAL things? Its time to talk, not ground them to their room to wonder whats going on with their bodies.
    AdensMommy1107

    Answer by AdensMommy1107 at 2:39 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I think it's b/c the parents themselves were never taught anything positive about sex by their parents. I never was. Also, they have a tendency to fear things that show their children are growing away from them. 8-9 is the age when it starts today, and parents freak out b/c they still want to hold on to their babies for as long as they can.
    jennijune_21

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 3:11 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I agree with you!!! I talk before I punish, depending on the offense. Sometimes I don't even punish, we just talk about what he did, why it may be inappropriate and what he could have done instead. I have done this with my almost 13 yr old since he was about 3 years old. I rarely have to punish and if I do it's because he really deserved it. I do not spank and rarely did. I think some parents punish because they don't want to take the time to find out why their child did something or to take the time to talk to their children. It is easier to punish than sit down and talk about something that may be uncomfortable to them. My son is independent, respectful, curious and intelligent. He is also comfortable enough to talk to me about ANYTHING. He tells me everything, even if it means a lecture or punishment.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:41 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

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