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SEX after deployment

My husband is in Iraq and getting back soon. We always talk about sex with eachother. He tells me about having dreams about me and I tell him mine. I tell him I think he is sexy and that I want to do stuff to him and he does the same. Today on the phone he was talking to me about getting back and I said something about how I cant wait to make love to him (nothing new, Ive told him this many times) and he told me that we wont being doing it for about a month because he needs to "adjust" to me. WHAT?! I dont masterbate (it does nothing for me) and i dont cheat so I havent had any in a year minus when he was home and we got to do it three times before the baby came. I want to be supportive, but I need mine. How do I do this?!!! Is it possible just what he is saying but wont really happen?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Apr. 15, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Is this his first deployment? That's what they are told when they get ready to come home. Not to rush into intimacy, as it might overtake your adjustment period. Trust me, it usually doesn't work that way. That first night you are all over each other. And it lasts for a few weeks, it's called the "Honeymoon Phase".

    Ask your husband if that's what he really wants. That you understand that there is a major adjustment perod, and that it will take time for things to feel "normal" again, but you CAN do that and have sex too.

    My husband has been deployed 3 times and it's been like that every time. He just got home in November from his last tour.


    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 4:08 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • adjust to you? youre his wife! I dont understand that to tell you the truth. I would think he would wanna jump right on you the minute he got off the plane! Did you ask what exactly he meant? What his intentions are and if anything has changed the way he feels about you? you really just need to talk about this with him

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:00 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I live in another state than my hubby, due to a am finishing school up and he has a great job. But I am almost done. Anyhow, we see eachother not too often. It had been 4 months since we saw eachother last, and we would talk about everything we were gonna do to eachother and so on. Well when I got to Alaska, and saw him at the airport, it was almost sureal in a way. You are away from someone for so long it almost doesnt seem real and is hard to pick up where you left off. In your case he has been away alot longer than my situation, but I think that is the feeling he is having. He loves you, but maybe needs to just hold you first and realize its you and not a dream anymore. Also, even though they are our husbands, it can seem a little strange to have sex and then catch up on what he has missed. My hubby wants to screw me in the car on the way home he lol. But yours has gone thru alot, and missed out on alot. Talk to him

    Answer by Mom2Rylin at 4:09 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • it will be fine. It sounds like something the military pounds into their brain. When he sees you he'll jump your bones.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:17 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I will add that it ALWAYS feels surreal, every time he comes home... for R&R and deployments. But we still have sex.

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 4:33 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Umm give his some space. Take it slow. If he's even been anywhere in a combat zone it's going to take a while to readjust to civilian life not just married life and all that it entails. He may not want to talk about his experiences and that's expected. It's not something most husbands ever want their dear wives to hear and know about them. Please be patient with him and let things develop on their own, especially in the bedroom.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 5:07 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Yeah I am hoping it is just something that they are telling him and so I can. But you better believe that when he comes after me after only a week Im going to be a bit@h and say "well but it hasnt been a month so I dont know what you think you are doing?" but of course I will give in. Im definately going to try to find out why he is being like this. But I know we were both nervous the first time we did it when he came on r&r

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:19 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Marine myself.. but I think he is talking about getting back in the grove of life, but I think when he sees you he'll adjust. Dont worry. I remeber the first day back from boot camp my boyfriend of 6 months were seperated for 3 months.. that day I was like gimme, then when I went to my MOS school ( job training) 9 months again, Gimme.. even in the relationship I am in now I would visit my mom for the summer and I am 25 years old, gone 3 months when I was seperated from my now fiance will gone Sex was a frequent phone topic but as time got closer I thought it would seem wierd but those first kisses and other personal moments together. we both we like GIMME.. again dont worry

    Answer by tall_mocha84 at 6:21 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • isabellalecour, I have every intention of giving him the time he feels he needs. He has been in a combat zone so I know it has been hard on him. I was in the military too but didnt end up over there so I know alot about the system and what people go through. I was a medic so I have seen alot of the pictures of what it looks like. Its not the same I know but it makes me know about some of the stuff he is seeing. I was kinda more of wondering what other people had when through with it and what happened with them. I love my husband and wouldnt deny him time to adjust if he felt he needed it. We also plan to do marriage counseling when he gets back, not because there is a problem, but because we think it will just make what we have that much better. He was even the one who brought up going and I am all for it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:33 PM on Apr. 15, 2009