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Trouble at school for my 3 year old...?

My 3 year old daughter's school called today and informed me that she told her teacher to "get out of her face". She also hasn't been saying please and thank you... Telling her teachers to help her with her coat and not asking nicely... etc.

Some of this seems a little trivial to me, I'm not really sure how to fix it. I help her put her coat on in the morning before school and always have her say please and thank you. She has chores that she's expected to do every day and usually does most of them without me asking. I think, for the most part that she is respectful, but on the other hand... I want her to try to please her teachers... I'm not really sure what to do...

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Asked by AmberMoffat at 5:00 PM on Apr. 15, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Maybe you should have a chat about courtesy and manners w/ regard to all people and not just Mom and Dad or at home. If she's at school and asks for something when you're doing the drop off, tell her "What do you say?" in front of the teacher so she understands. My guess is that she's just spreading her wings to see how far she can push the envelope. Still, I would definitely not ignore the negative behavior for her own sake.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 5:07 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I agree with jeanclaudia. Also, keep this in mind (as I had to when I thought my son's teacher was being trivial): yes, it seems trivial and petty. BUT, if her classmates see what they think is her getting away with this, they will start trying to do it as well. An entire classroom of kids disrespecting their teacher or being rude isn't trivial, is it? Like I said, I went thru that with my oldest son that when I would talk to the teacher, I'd be like, "Oh, geez, here she goes again", but then another teacher pointed that out to me and it made me realize that yes, it is trivial, but if it's not stopped, it won't be anymore.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:07 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Poor behavior needs to be nipped in the bud anywhere, anywho and anywhen. I say this because my sister who's 42 still disses people at times, including our mom. I finally told my mom, you should have put her in her place years ago. Her reply was---yes I should have but it has gotten so much easier to ignore since we don't live together (meaning sister left home for college and never came back). I told our mom I wouldn't put up with it since I am teaching my kids to be sister's persona non grata. So if you don't nip it in the bud as a kid, later on, forget it. It's a lost cause.

    Answer by IslandBreeze at 6:20 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • A three year old telling her teacher to get out of her face isn't trivial. The teachers have probabally seen her building up to worse and worse behavior.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:48 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I was going to say pretty much the same thing as the first comment. Good luck, 2-4 year olds are interesting creatures.

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 9:21 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • If manners aren't important to you, they won't be to your child. The rest of the world does think they are important, so you might want to treat this as more than trivial.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I agree that it isn't trivial- generally, children this age will be better behaved with teachers and other caregivers than with their own parents. It seems your child is getting upset and reacting in an unhealthy way. Try asking the child how she feels with her teacher, and what her teacher does to make her upset. If it's acceptable behavior of the teacher, explain to your child while the teacher needs her to obey, and let her know that it is not acceptable to be rude. Ask her to remember that the teacher is trying to help her and not hurt her. Let her know that whenever she is naughty at school, she will get a time-out at home.

    Answer by KristenDanielle at 7:15 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • From a teachers point of view: I think that since the school called you this has been an issue they have been dealing with for a while with your daughter and it has gotten to the point of overwhelming. Teachers try all they can to work with a child on certain things. In your case it probably has been manners. Maybe your daughter has been consistently rude to them and they've tried to re-direct but now need the parents to intervene. Where would she even learn to say "get out of my face" from in the first place? And as far as saying please and thank you, try and make many examples out of it especially when you see the teacher and have her do the same. For instance, if the teacher gives you a paper tell her thank you very much. Or have your daughter ask for something "may i please get a crayon?" something along those lines. Examples are everything to a child,what they see and hear is how they learn best. Good luck.

    Answer by Newborn4me at 2:25 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

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