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5 y/o stepson having trouble. Help!

My 5 y/o step son is wetting his pants again on a regular basis. His mom doesn't want to let us do any kind of reward stystem, even though that's the only thing we had any luck with, It's an ongoing problem, started happening shortly after he started Kindergarten, so stress may be a factor, as he's had a really bad year. (Discipline problems in school, and he was recently assaulted by his teacher.) He lives with his mom and we get him every other weekend so it's hard to sustain any kind of discipline. He's starting to figure out we've got rules at out house that his mom doesn't have, but it's slow going. She doesn't want to work with us on it, but the problem has continued and we have to do something. Mom is also pretty crazy, she's got brain cancer and doesn't usually let him interact with other kids.

Would love some advice!

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Asked by jenni6441 at 5:28 PM on Apr. 15, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (7)
  • I know this may sound mean, but perhaps the best thing to do is get him some adult diapers for when he stays with you guys and just wait for the mom the pass way... If she has brain cancer like you said, then won't your husband get custody of him, unless she has written in a will otherwise... If that is the case Im afraid more waiting is the only option... He would need to live with you guys in order to be able to substain a stable enviroment for helping him not to pee his pants.

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 5:45 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Yeah I've thought of that. We have him in the Kid Boxer pull-ups, when he goes to sleep or rides in the care he has to wear them. His mom's had cancer for a a long time and she's actually doing quite well, (Medically), but kind of bonkers. So it could be years before she passes away, and in the meantime we're still stuck with this problem.

    Answer by jenni6441 at 5:49 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • if she has brain cancer- sorry if this is mean but- maybe she is not in the best position to care for him proplerly and should live with you guys
    and um assaulted by his teacher? i hope she was fired
    maybe a private school llor a smaller school would be a good setting for him
    good luck

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 6:06 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Legally we cannot prove that she's an unfit mother, so we cannot gain full custody over him. If I thought we even had a chance in court I'd go for it, but there's no legal reason that she's unfit to take care of him.

    The teacher is on paid administrative leave and is being investigated.

    She won't send him to another school and private school is not an option right now because his mom doesnt wokr, hasnt for years (we're paying child support plus some) and we cannot afford to be paying that much extra every month.

    Even if we got more custody of him, he lives three hours away and his mom doesn't drive much so we have to do all the driving.

    Answer by jenni6441 at 6:11 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Well, it sounds like youre doing all you can. I have a similar issue with my 7 yr old son. He doesnt wet his pants but he will hold poop for a LONG time until it comes out. We tried everything to stop him from doing this and encouraging him to go to the potty. I was so puzzled because hes a fairly well adjusted kid. Normally this is an issue thats indicative of major family issues or lots of transition and we are a normal traditional family without a lot of drama and I did not get what the deal was. I took him into see his doc who is wonderful. He examined him and said theres nothing medically wrong with him. This is in his head. ITs a control issue. He is no 3 on the birth order line and hes frequently bullied by his sisters. I think he sometimes feels that his environment is out of his control and this is the only thing he can control. We found that positive reinforcement does much better. Sounds like thats what youre doing.

    Answer by momofsaee at 6:35 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • are you positive he is not just peeing hiself when in the company of you and his father?? *im in no way blaiming you guys) but sometimes when children that young are in anew enviornment they get nervous and wet themselves, my oldest son would have night terrors (used to freak me out) when he had to go pee while he was asleep , I took him to the docs and they all said it had to do with th estress he was under, moving to a new home or will and does go away so dont worry about it, but i wouldnt automatically blaim his mother...unless you know something we dont

    Answer by protectivemompa at 9:21 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Yeah pretty sure. He used to do it only around his mom, She didnt tell us about it for months, and now he's doing it around us, but still less than when he's around his mom. I'm sure it's stress, just wish I had a way to help relieve stress in his life. He was just switched to a new classroom though, and it's close to the end of the year. We'll see if stuff starts to get better I guess!

    Answer by jenni6441 at 1:40 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

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