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Is it normal to be jealous?

Everyone in my and my husbands family is always saying that my new baby is theirs, and it kind of makes me jealous. I try not to be jealous because I know they just care about the baby but for some reason I get upset and jealous. It especially bothers me because my mother-in-law practically raised my husbands two other children, and she's always taking them from the house when I'm supposed to be watching them, and one time she even took my 6 week old daughter out of the house. She's always taking time away from me that I should be spending with the kids, she demands no respect from them and lets them walk all over her, and then they come back mouthy and rude to my husband. Ok, I'm trailing off...

 
not-so-des-hw

Asked by not-so-des-hw at 8:21 PM on Apr. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • My boyfriend's mother was the same way!!! UGH! It was always "OUR baby". When she asks about the baby, she says, "How is MY girl?" I hate that so much!! She actually thought that because she was grandma, she was a "joint" parent to my daughter! DON'T THINK SO LADY!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Yes, normal. I hate when anyone but me or my DH tries to claim my son. They are always trying to say he looks like them.. EH no.. I go crazy with the stuff they do and say. But I wont tollerate many things they want. They have never babysat my child and wont for all I care. They ahve ver different rules and plans then I do. And say things like when your not here you wont know.. WHich is exactly why im always there. lol. ANyways... Now im trailing as well. Gish I could go all day on this subject. haha. But yes its norml. VERY normal. I have four sisters that all have kids too and they all act the same way. lol.
    LucasMama08

    Answer by LucasMama08 at 8:26 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • no its not abnormal i did the same thing. i'd be out with my in laws and they would be like "this is our son, this is my granddaughter" and i'd be standing there like...umm even if i don't get a mention as the daughter in law don't i get a mention as her MOTHER! it drove me nuts, i finally told my husband that they needed to get over her, i'm glad they love my daughter and want whats best for her, but i'm her mom and it drove me nuts...my granddaughter, or my baby, or my niece, or my my my....then i would always get "oh she looks just like michelle" my SIL who the only resemblence she had to her at that age was hair, eye and skin tone, which just so happens to by mine as well! that drove me even crazier, never oh shes got your coloring just how much she looked like my sil
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 8:27 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • sooo normal.
    i feel the same way.
    she would always say "ohhh my babys here" or..."let me see my baby" ughhhh i hated it! there are so many things she does that drive me up the effing wall. so, i feel your pain and im sorry. mother in laws suckkkkk!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Why did you let MIL TAKE your 6 week old baby out of your house. TELL her no. YOU are the mother, not her. Stand up for yourself and your child. You need to make it clear that you and your husband are the parents and your rules and role as the parent will be followed and respected. Do not back down.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:05 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • i just didn't want to cause problems in the family, and i didn't want my husband to be upset w me
    not-so-des-hw

    Answer by not-so-des-hw at 10:01 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • my sister is like that with my oldest- but its even more irritating for the fact that she will call and say wheres my baby? let me talk to him (hes 5 yrs old) then shell talk to him get back on the phone and be like ok well i gotta go and hang up- now mind u i have 2 other kids in the house and my middle whos 3 1/2 will start crying because auntie ri ri didnt talk to him too! i got to the point where i tell her no she cant talk to him and i even tried putting my middle on the phone first but she brushes him off the phone to talk to my oldest and then shell stay on the phone with him for like 10 minutes vs the 1 minute spent with my middle- ok now im rambling lol- but yeah so i feel u with that- its so... ugh! i cant even describe it it makes me so angry! lol-
    lovelyli217

    Answer by lovelyli217 at 10:52 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • It doesn't sound like Jealousy. It sounds like you have serious concerns about your family dynamic though. You need to be firm about boundaries or this will never get better. Talk to your husband and form a united front about what is appropriate for your MIL. She should not take your child anywhere (even into the back yard) without your ok. As for the step kids, if you are going to be the primary care giver than you are to be treated as mother. You're going to have to put your foot down and sooner is better than later.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 11:26 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Yea it's totally normal, and annoying. You just need to assert YOUR authority and let it be known that she is YOUR daughter, NOT MIL's. It really bothers me when family members "claim" your baby as the "familes baby" last time I checked the kid was mine NOT the familes. I had this issue w/myMIL. When MIL asks, "where's my baby?" reply with "oh,no MIL DH isn't here right now" something like that - make it seem like she is talking about HER baby, your DH. Same idea when she starts in on the "our baby" - "Yes MIL she certainly is OUR BABY she looks so much like DH & I". Try that a few times, hopefully she'll get the hint. Took my MIL a while to catch on - after a few months - she dropped the "my baby" crap. If it doesn't work - have your DH talk to her.
    If my MIL ever took my kids out of my house W/OUT my ok - I'd call the cops and have her arrested for kidnapping. Extreme, yes - gets the point accross though.
    Fooph121780

    Answer by Fooph121780 at 11:19 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I agree its normal, but set down the rules now with everyone as far as taking your daughter places....nip it in the butt in the beginning so you dont have to deal with it later.
    Hallmomma

    Answer by Hallmomma at 6:32 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

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