Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

omg what to do on these thoughts...

Im getting married in August of this year and me and my fiance have been fighting alot lately. Ive noticed we dont talk as much as we use to and i do alot more for him than he does for me. I dont know what to do because he also has two boys from a previous marriage and his ex causes alot of drama between us. i dont know if its me getting cold feet because i am only 23 and dont have any children of my own or if these are issues that should be adressed...please help...

Answer Question
 
tber22

Asked by tber22 at 8:44 PM on Apr. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You need to think about it. You are very young. At 23 I know was not ready for any of the things you listed. But thats me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Address the issues! If your having them now, they are going to get worse once the paper is signed. Either he accepts that he needs to respect you more, or the deals off.
    My DH has more respect for me now that I stood up to him.
    BUT if he calls it off, he probably didn't truely love you anyway.
    southernstyle88

    Answer by southernstyle88 at 8:48 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I was 20 when I got married. If you are having second thoughts, talk to your man! You might as well get used to it! There is no such thing "and they lived happily ever after" life goes on after the wedding. Try talking to someone like your pastor or something. Postpone the wedding until it feels right. As for the baby momma drama, you need to let him deal with her. That has nothing to do with you, those are her children and your soon-to-be- step kids. You need to have a decent relationship with her, even if it means just smile and nod. Try not to talk to her and let your man deal with her. No mother wants to feel like they are being replaced, so she might have hard feelings about it. But seriously, you need to communicate with your man, make him answer more questions. "I feel like___about getting married, I need to know how you feel, I know something isn't right b/c we aren't talking"
    dawn_misayo

    Answer by dawn_misayo at 8:57 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • I married at 23 and was fine.

    If you are having these very valid worries, call it off now. You should not step into something such as marriage unless you are sure.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:00 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Postpone it until you feel more confident about things. Don't throw him away just hold off the marriage for a while until you adjust better. This is a big step and it sounds like a lot to adjust to for someone so young.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:18 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • From experience, if you are having difficulty in resolving these issues now, things will NOT improve as time goes by. On the contrary, they will get worse and there will be new unresolved issued to compound the situation. Based on history, it amazes me people still get married!
    ocalabelle

    Answer by ocalabelle at 9:27 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • go with your feeling like this may not be what you want.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 9:56 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • You should postpone it if you have doubts. You are young and have a whole lot of life yet to live. If you are not wholly sure that you want to marry him now is the time to call things off.
    It is also really important to think about if you want to deal with all of the drama his kids mom puts you through, because that will never end and may get worse. My sister has a stepson and has said that if she had known the problems she would have with his mom she probably would not have married her dh.
    If you do decide to keep the wedding date you can cancel the wedding at anytime before it happens even if it is the night before or the day of. Alot of brides feel they should cancel the wedding but the fear of what people will think if they cancel the last minute forces them to continue with the wedding even though they don't feel they should, so they don't disappoint their family of wedding guests.
    Good luck ou will make the best choice
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 10:14 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • im not at all a churchy person, but i feel that if you are having these gut feelings than god is trying to tell you something, it may just be cold feet but you need to talk to your fiance about how you are feeling too. and it doesnt hurt to call off the wedding for now, they call it an engagement for a reason, make sure that they are the right one, to resolve or talk about any issues, talk about what you want in the future, etc.
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 10:34 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

  • Definitely talk to him about what you're feeling. If you need to, postpone the wedding until you figure things out.
    alinker

    Answer by alinker at 10:44 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.