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I feel so sad n i dont deserve to have a baby

My sister just recently gave birth to twins and one of them unfortunatly passed away. I am also pregnant and I will be having my baby soon. After she told me that I dont feel like im worthy to have a child. Is so unfair that her babyy died and I mean how can i sit here n try to get her to enjoy my happiness of giving life when shes grieving for a loss child. Idk what to do or how to handle this situation ive never had anyone close to me or my family pass away. someone please give me advice

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Apr. 16, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (6)
  • It's not your fault her baby passed away. You can not change what happened. Just because she lost a child does not make you unworthy of one. Your sister needs to work on her grief for the other baby she has. She should not be making you feel bad about the baby your having. She will eventually learn to deal and cope with the loss...It just takes time. But, don't ever downplay your role as a mother because of her loss.

    Answer by ChaoticSoul at 1:19 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • In time your sisters broken heart will heal. She has another baby that needs her and in time she will take complete joy in her baby that is alive. Gone is NEVER forgotten. Everyone has to grieve their own way, give her time. You of course deserve to have a baby, you did nothing to cause the loss of her child.
    Just think your child will have it's very own angle watching OVER.
    God Bless!!!

    Answer by LimoMOM5 at 1:20 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • You have to understand that god has a plan, he took this baby, but he is giving you a precious gift also...hopefully your sister will be able to grieve her loss in a healthy way and still be a great mother to her baby that is living. It is a very hard situation, but please be thankful for what GOD has given you, try to grieve the loss while getting ready for your baby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I had similar feelings when I was pregnant and a friend of mine had a miscarriage. I still will never understand how hard it was for her, though I could see the pain in her eyes. I think the only thing I could do was not ignore her sadness. I did acknowledge her pain and loss, while not claiming to understand it. At the same time, I realized that my baby was a gift to be treasured and enjoyed. So I pushed aside my guilt and replaced it with thankfulness and joy, without flaunting it. The fact that it is your sister would make it harder, but still possible to enjoy your child. Hopefully she can work through her grief and give thanks for the child she does have too.

    Answer by 3are_a_blessing at 1:25 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Let your sister know that she is in the lead here. Let her know that it is up to her how things go. If she wants to talk and be happy, that's okay. If she's not in a space where she can do that, that's okay too. That you won't be hurt if she can't be thrilled for you. Then respect her choice. Let her have her mourning phase. She needs, and deserves that.

    If she can't celebrate with you, it doesn't mean she isn't thrilled for you. It just means she has to go through a very normal process in her own time, in her own way.

    I'm so sorry for your sister's loss. That is something that no woman should ever have to know, yet far too many experience.

    Answer by desert_diva at 1:26 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Please don't say you don't deserve to have a baby. You DO deserve happiness & the joy of having a child. Your sister is going to be a lucky Aunt & I'm sure she will find joy in your happiness when the birth of your child arrives. All you can do is make sure that your sister knows that she plays an important role of being an aunt to her new nephew or niece. Best wishes~I hope you can eventually let go of the guilt that you carry on this unexpected sad time in your family's life.


    Answer by onespecialmom at 1:27 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

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