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He said it's over because of sex...

I'm just wondering what you ladies thinking about this. Every since I had my child, my sex drive has disappeared. He and I do it at least once a week, but it really takes some trying on his end. I really don't like to be touched anymore. Last night he said he is tired of trying so he wants to end our relationship. I asked him if thats the only reason he loved me, is because we had sex all the time before the baby. He didn't respond (we were writing this, because he didnt feel like talking I guess). I just feel like he is very selfish. I haven't worked in a long time, but I'm already figuring out ways for my daughter and I to make it. What do you ladies think?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Apr. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • If he is leaving you over sex then don't let the door hit him where the good lord split him. He needs to respect the fact that your body was not yours for 9 months and it takes time to get back to normal. Sex is an issue for most women after having a child if your staying home because you have a baby on you 24/7 and at the end of the night you want a shower and sleep. Maybe you should talk to your doctor about it and see if she can give you a hormone test and possible medication to increase it, but if he is leaving you over sex then let him go.
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:38 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • He said he was willing to wait, but she is over a year old now and it still hasn't come back. I talked to my dr about it before and she said it was because of the bc I was on, so I switched. The new one didnt help though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • No he should not leave you over sex. at all!! How old is the new baby?
    Peanut_Farley

    Answer by Peanut_Farley at 9:42 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Tell your doctor you want a hormone test ran. Have you tried doing for yourself? Getting your hair or nails done, tanning, buying a new outfit. Have you attempted to put the spice back in the relationship? I was the same way after my daughter who is 7 months old. I felt bad about my body which lead to the no sex thing and finally I said okay, he has needs as well and they may not be what I want but I will give it a try. I got my hair done, nails, bought a new "outfit" and a few other things. I put candles all over, put a blind fold on him and used a feather and things and then we ended up having a good night. I hope it works out but I would demand a hormone test.
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:43 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Maybe have someone keep your daughter for a day and night so you can have you time. Maybe a spa day or something to relax you, go out to dinner and just reconnect. You can also try counseling.
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:44 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • she isn't new anymore lol, shes 17 months...but before her, we did it all the time, it was crazy...i will talk to my dr about the hormone test, but at this point im like why even bother, it's apparent that he is willing to leave me over sex, and I dont want that to be a reason for him to stay with me...I try to force myself to do things, but it just doesn't work...i did get a new cut and all that good jazz, i feel fine about myself...its just that the sex drive is completely gone
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I am sure he loves you alot it is that when it comes to sex guys tend to act like children.
    The only advice I can give you is try to give it to him enough to make him happy time to time give him something different like a bj. I know how you feel I was the same way mine would throw a fit and make me feel like I was the bad guy I did not want it to be this way so I had a long talk with him and said I need you to work with me here I don't know why I feel the way I do and you know I love you I just can't get started let a day or two go by and I will try my damnesss to give you some good loving. believe it or not it worked. You guys just have to work something out don't neglect him completely. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do alot of sacrificing and don't be so quick to throw in the towel. Work it out. Your baby will be the one who suffers GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:47 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I feel like he is the one that threw in the towel because he said he was willing to wait. I can't give bjs, my jaw locks up if i open it too wide (i hate trying to eat a burger, it hurts so much). I have dressed up for him before, but its obvious that once a week is not enough for him. He said he loves the old me a lot more than the new me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Although sex isn't the only or even the most important part of a marriage (you didn't say if you were married or not, so sorry if you're not), it's an important part and after a year, I think he's been patient enough. It's good that you went to the dr to try to find out what it is. My suggestion is... if both of these b/c's are causing the problem, then I'd try a different type of b/c (such as condoms, spermicides, the shots, anything that might work). If you want the relationship to go forward, you're going to have to explore new avenues to get rid of the problem but if you're bf'ing that could be causing the problem. A man shouldn't have to work real hard to get you in the mood, and it hurts his ego really bad and if he's been true to you this whole time, he's been more than most men would be.. they think with that thing, it controls how they feel about you, and themselves. We're different now.. I'd try dating again.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:56 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Then let him leave, he wasn't worth it to begin with. Set an example by teaching your daughter that relationships are about more than sex.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:58 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

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