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Do you ever worry about what you have posted here

If you are an Amom, have you ever come across your child's bmom on here? I read some of the posts where the Bmoms are either taking the letters that the Amom wrote and posting it for everyone to read, or admitting to stalker like behavior (driving by the aparents house or work repeatedly, trying to find them on myspace and watching them, going to parks near their house, etc etc). Has anyone ever caught wind of the bmom doing this or lying about you, how did you react.

If you are a Bmom, have you ever come across the Amom spilling all of your personal information on here? What did you do?

I just wonder sometimes if everyone knows what they are doing when they post things. If you think your adoption is closed now or rocky now, just imagine what the other party would feel like.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Apr. 16, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • I wish my birthmom was on here. She is always moving around and plus
    I have nothing to hide.

    Answer by Dannee at 10:43 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I do worry and plan to delete posts after time has gone by. Only because the bmom is having some issues with us. She is not on here to the best of my knowledge.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • My child's amom knows I know where they live. Big deal. I dont drive past their house ever. Never been there. but I have been accussed on here of doing it because i admit I know where they live. And yet again no, I have not. (of course I know OP or who ever are going to be convinced
    otherwise no matter what)

    Have you thought about the fact that what we (or anyone) finds on the net is public information? Anyone who sets up a myspace or facebook or other profile the public has access to is putting the info out there for ANYONE to see. How am I stalking someone when they post the information in a public venue and I look at it?

    For the record I personally have never lied about my child's family, their actions or anything else on here! Why do you assume people are lying?


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • And as for the park example you use in your question I know THAT person happens to LIVE by that park. Its a public place. She never said she saw her child there but wondered if perhaps she might see her there since she discovered the family lives near by. It was coincidence that they live close to each other! It isnt like she found out where the people lived and moved there on purpose! That is unfair to use that example because I know from reading here that person has never ran into the child at the park anyway! I call foul on you saying that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • As an adoptive mom, I post anonymously when talking about my children and I never post photos of them online. Not even of my bio children. I think people have too much of a devil-may-care attitude when posting information, photos, etc. online. How do we expect our children to be responsible online if we don't set a good example? I never give out too many personal details about where we live, etc.

    I do not know whether our child's birth mom is on here or not. Last I heard she was in jail. She doesn't know who we are, never has wanted to know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • OP here: For the record... the park example was a very general statement (didnt mean to hit a nerve with whoever you are talking about). If I was going to out a "specific" example of stalking, there are much worse ones I have seen on here. I purposely tried to be very vague on that one but have seen home, work, park, playground, school, stores near where they live, etc.

    Myspace/Facebook, etc are public forums and it is fine to visit them and natural curiousity to search people out. What I think crosses the line is when you impersonate someone else to befriend the person and track them. (not just one specific example before I strike another nerve)

    And maybe lying is not the right term, but there are women who dont tell all of the story when then post, so there are lies of ommission going on. (and that applies to both Amoms and Bmoms I am sure)


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • What a very sad post. I knew my adoptee sons address (20 mins from me) his whole childhood and I never once did a drive by. I'd been over there as a guest several times when I was pregnant but never after he was born. Sadly they didn't do full open adoptions then, but if they had I'm sure I would have been invited over there afterwards too.

     I have heard of bmoms having to resort to copying pics of myspace but only because the aparents didn't keep the promises they made in order to get her to give them her baby. I believe I never felt the desire to drive by because I knew that I could trust amom to send the pictures she'd promised. As for myspace, amom and I are myspace friends.

    Where's the trust? Where's the openness? what about the best interests of the adoptee who needs the birth family in his life? (not talking about foster care adoption here) This question makes me sad.


    Answer by onethentwins at 3:37 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I didnt have to make a "fake" profile on anything. I was just myself & requested & my daughter accepted. I have yet to see someone on here admitting to making a fake profile for that purpose.

    And as for the park "example"...funny how you just so happened to use that when there is a person on here who talked about that. I dont think you were being general.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • OP here again: Wow, sensitive much!
    I used the park example because the example that really even generated this thought is so specific, the person would know right away.(and I dont even know if she comes to this section) I thought that "park" was general enough. I dont read every post on here so if someone mentioned that recently, it is pure coincidence. Sorry if your paranoid mind does not believe me. Obviously you are a bmom but it is some amoms who I have seen do this just as much so I am not targeting one side.


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Interesting about the letter thing for everyone to read. I'm a Bmom and I posted a letter my sons Amom wrote to me to get feedback from other Bmom friends on how I could politely respond. There is no crime in asking for advice. I made sure to edit out names, places, any identifying information.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Apr. 16, 2009