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How do you cope with disrespectful teenage step daughters?

I am a step Mom of 2 teenage girls 16, 14 who are disrespectful and will tell you to your face that they do not care. I have tried explaining to their father that this is unbearable and not fair for the both of us. And that his lack of parenting will create a bad situation for the both of us in the future. They refuse to help out with the chores, and demand getting what they want all the time, and trust me I have tried tough love, and the only thing that happends is that I end up more frustrated than ever....any suggestions? Besides divorce? There are other children involved that see what is happening...and I do not want them following suit... I just want whats best for them since no one else does.... their Mother is out of the picture completely. she is responsible for them being like they are........Help!!!


Asked by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Apr. 16, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Take everything that they value away. TV, Laptop, Cell Phone, Ipod, everything. Tell them those items are not necessities and if they want them back they can earn them back one by one by doing what they are told and by being respectful. They will through a fit, let them, take everything out of their rooms, leave a bed and clothes for 7 days. Tell them all extra clothing are not necessities. Strip them down to the bare necessitites. Explain to them that you do not like their attitude and while they are in your house they need to follow the house rules, help in the house chores. We did this to my SD when she was 13 because she couldn't keep her room clean. We left her bed and clothes for a week, she had to make sure she did laundry on the weekends so she had things to ware. After a week of having nothing her attitude change 100% we have never had to tell her since to clean her room. She got 1 item back at a time.

    Answer by Vanessannd at 11:25 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I'm sorry to hear that ..
    I see you have tough love that should help. my best advice is to be very strong in your RULES and pass it off to your Hubby He should be on board. get tougher an he should love and respect You More for wanting Good for them,
    That is what this is all about, they should straighten up before its to late! Set it in motion down to the line.
    I dont allow no room for breaking the rules, Mine are 13,5 &two step daughter 10~11 so they are doing well so far right now I dont have to be so stricked but the bounderys are there if I should need to disapline

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • In order to set the rules and the tone around the house, your dh has to agree with you...if not, they'll always run to dad when tough love is given and he'll give in making the situation even worse...the first line of defense is to get your dh to see things clearly...#1 - his children should not disrespect you and he shouldn't allow it...#2 - if other children are witnessing these events its NOT good for them to see...I hope you can get this situation under control soon.

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:00 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I have been through similar but not exactly the same situation. The bottom line is that if Dad isn't going to say anything, it will not get better. My stepdaughters did not seem to want to hear anything out of my mouth. I got eye rolling, arm crossing, huffing. It never got better, the resentment actually got so much worse. If Dad pretends it isn't happening, it will grow and grow. Communication is the answer and we didn't really have any. If I tried to ask "What is the problem? or What is wrong?" I never got anywhere. You are the last person they want to speak too. I hope he works with you and you can all sit down and get somewhere. I hate where ours went, it got very bad. Good luck.

    Answer by army_wife2000 at 3:39 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Until they can learn to be more respectful, DO NOTHING for them. DO NOT clean, cook or do laundry. Take everything but necessities cell phones, no ipods, no computers or game systems. Buy their clothes at the thrift stores or Walmart. No brand names, just the basics. When they run out of clean clothes, want to go somewhere, etc. They will quickly learn how to respect you. Your hubby also has to be a parent. You could also try family counseling, it's sounds like you may need it.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:31 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • in the same boat with a 13 y/o sd I like the idea of taking everything away only the basics i may have to get my hubby on board. my hubby thinks if you ignore it , it will go away. we have done therapy but nothing has changed just gotten worse can';t afford therapy now. Good luck

    Answer by goingcrazy101 at 9:52 AM on Apr. 17, 2009