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In need of some advise

I am in need of some advise.. I gave my life to God about 5 years ago.. I am working very hard on changing my ways and trying to be a better example to my family.. my biological mother and I are working through my past and the problems we had and are trying to have a better relationship especially now that my adopted mom has passed. She says she is also christian.. she was married to her XH for 23 years(there was abuse, affairs and toxic situations all these years), they divorced 2 yrs ago cuz she had someone else. Her XH is remarried now(and she is still with the boyfriend), but they(XH & bio mom) talk and text everyday.. her BF is a very nice man who treats her so well (but doesnt make the kind of $ XH made and this bothers her)..XH wasnt so good, and really treated her poorly (but $was a comfort 2her)my ?.. how do I (kindly)tell her i dont agree with this without alienating her completely? please dont bash..i need advise.

 
Tzutchka

Asked by Tzutchka at 12:43 PM on Apr. 16, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 10 (374 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Well, the best thing you can do is live by example. You don't have to be perfect or expect her to be perfect, but just love her. Thats all. Let God do his own convicting of her heart. God really doesnt need our help as much as we think he does. I think youre right to be concerned that she is doing something that jeopardizes her walk with the Lord, but I think that its something she probably already knows, so its not likely she wants it brought up. I think its great that you are working out your relationship with her. Restoration is a good thing and hopefully, everything that the enemy stole from you will be returned 100 fold. Just love her and support her. You don't have to agree with everything she does. Pray that God will work on her heart. Good luck!!
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 3:51 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Well, it really isn't your place to judge her or her lifestyle. You should try to be more accepting. Concentrate on your relationship with her and let her relationship with her boyfriend be her concern. I'm not trying to bash or be rude. I honestly think you will do serious damage to your relationship with her if you start to pry into her relationship with her boyfriend.
    Marwill

    Answer by Marwill at 12:47 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I understand your fear because it is a new relationship with your Bio Mom. You don't want to rock the boat. Maybe ask her if she has any concerns with the situation. If she ask what you think of the situation then be honest but tactful. Steer clear of judgmental words and harsh tones. Conrats on the relationship you have with your family. Be happy.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 12:49 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I have to agree with PP. Its not your place to tell her what you think of her relationship. It really has nothing to do with God or your relationship with him or hers with him.

    Focus on your relationship with her and keeping it strong. The rest will take care of itself and shouldnt affect you at all.
    BonesDragonDew

    Answer by BonesDragonDew at 12:50 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • LOL I meant congrats...not conrats.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 12:50 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Otherwise if she doesn't ask for your advice let it go. And enjoy your relatioship with her.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 12:51 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I agree with Marwill.
    Since I know you are Christian, I can also advise you to pray.
    hannahwill

    Answer by hannahwill at 12:53 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I don't think you should. I think you should pray for her, continuously . In your position, you can only suggest. You could make your views known by letting her know you don't want to talk about it with her. Just let her know to keep that away from you because your not comfortable discussing it . And leave it at that. Ya know, only if she brings it up.

    Your relationship with her is very sensitive. Maybe in the future, when its a little stronger, you can have an open talk about it. For now , pray for her and yourself. Congrats on trying to better yourself with God's help! BABY STEPS GIRL!!
    aMbeR012005

    Answer by aMbeR012005 at 12:55 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I agree with pnwmom. If it comes up in conversation it might be a good opportunity to point out to her that it is okay he doesn't have as much money. I think she might just be nervous and need some reasurance. But only if it comes up and she is open to your opinion.
    Cinnamon-mom

    Answer by Cinnamon-mom at 12:58 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Thanks so much for your help! I have tried to stay away from this but she tells me I am the only person she has to talk to about this.. I guess I am just afraid she will be mad at me for not supporting her.. I feel like she wants me to tell her its okay to do this.. Thanks again 4 all your advise!
    Tzutchka

    Answer by Tzutchka at 1:03 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

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