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can you give me some help on this?

I am in need of some advise. I am working very hard on my relationship with God and being a kinder person.. my biological mother and I are working through the past and problems we had and are trying to have a better relationship, especially now that my adopted mom has passed... Bio mom was married to her XH for 23 years(there was abuse, affairs and toxic situations all through the years), they divorced 2 yrs ago cuz she had someone else. Her XH is remarried now(and she is still with the boyfriend), but they(XH & bio mom) are meeting & talking behind their SO's backs.. her BF is a VERY nice man who treats her well and makes her want to be a better person..(but doesnt make the kind of $ XH made and this bothers her).. her XH wasnt so kind, and really treated her poorly (but $was good and a comfort 2her) my ?.. how do I (kindly)tell her i dont agree with this without ailienating her completely? please dont bash..i need advise.


Asked by Tzutchka at 12:57 PM on Apr. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Level 10 (374 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I would tell your bio mom the truth how you feel about what she's doing.If she is the kind of person who gets mad about that, then tell her you can't discuss THIS with her.But you can talk about anything else.Just because she is your bio mom, you may need to set some boundries with her so you keep your happiness.

    Answer by evelynwest at 3:18 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I'm not sure. I know that sometimes after a relationship is over people tend to only remember (or focus on) the good things about it. I dont know how close you two are but maybe you just sit down and talk to her. I wouldnt necessarily tell her how you feel but try to lead her in the direction of your point while letting her draw her own conclusions if that makes sense.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 1:04 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Personally I would just be honest with her about how you feel..
    If she takes it the wrong way or doesn't want to spend time with you anymore..that is her issue..
    What do you have to walk on eggshells your whole life with her or what..

    Answer by Dannee at 1:04 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Gently, Tell her that self respect is far more important than money. Money brings power and with power brings control. XH is still controlling her with the money. Many abused women don't know how to totally break from an abuser. The abuser knows how to lure her back and he obviously does it with money. Trauma bonding is a nasty thing and hard to break. (been there done that but am finally out of it now)

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:11 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • You don't. It's not your business. Unless she is using your home for the meetings. Then I'd tell her to find someplace else to meet him.

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 3:30 PM on Apr. 16, 2009