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What do i do about step kids??

I am 22 years old and i have a two year old son. my fiancee has two children also who i have been caring for for the past four years. i love them dearly but i am so tired. i have them every day, 7 days a week, and i never get a break. i have asked my fiancee to find a babysitter because i honestly do not think i can handle it anymore. He doesnt seem to care. He says he will find someone but never does and he guilts me into watching them anyway. I do not mind doing it a couple times a week because i love them dearly but its too much for me to handle. Anyone have any advice for me? Am i being selfish?

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Asked by robertsmom_25 at 1:09 PM on Apr. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • No you are not being shelfish..You fiance is not
    HEARING YOU... trust me in you don't get his ass in line..
    you are going to grow some serious gray hair...
    If he doesn't get you some help...I would get it myself and I also would
    revaluate my future with this man and his children.

    Answer by Dannee at 1:11 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Every mom needs a break. Find a way to take one before you go INSANE! You are definately not being selfish. Why dont you find a babysitter and just inform him that the children will be going over there on Tuesdays and Thursdays for a while (or whatever schedule works for you) Just like my husband, they all think it is easy to sit at home all day and just watch the babies. YEAH RIGHT, half the time you want to pull out your hair and the other half of the time you ARE pulling out your hair. You need a break.
    Would he understand if you told him that you want to start working out so you are going to start dropping the kids off with a sitter that you found so that you can get in some you time and take care of yourself? Men can be so dumb!

    Answer by HunnysFarAway at 1:15 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Will you be sending you little one to daycare as well or will only the step kids be sent away each day? If you are not willing to do what it takes to be a family with this man I would suggest moving on. He will become resentful if you treat your own child differently than his children. Tell him you need a break and hire someone to sit for all the kids two days a week. Then you have time to get things done and take a break. As a step child raised by a step mom who let us know we were a burden the kids are who get hurt in these situations. My step mom loved us but not like her bio kids with our dad. We went to daycare while our siblings got to stay with her. Our mom was not in our lives at all so to us she was mom. It was hurtful and in time my dad left her so we would not be second class citizens in our own home. Be very careful how you handle this so you don't hurt these kids.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I am guessing he thinks if you are going to marry him then you will have to do this full time until they are 18. Why can't the mom watch them? Doesn't she get visitation so you can have a break?

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:36 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • You should treat his kids like they are your own. we all have to watch our kids, just because they are step kids shouldnt mean that you need to send them away. but yes, we all need a break. whenever your hubby is home on one of his days off, get dressed and tell him that youll be back later. if hes not listening, then you need to step up.

    Answer by HelloKitty86 at 2:21 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • You have your own child with him so 3 total, do you take breaks from your child also? If you are his fiance there is a chance you will get married, he comes with a package and you obviously knew that. i am sorry but I am a step mom and have been helping raise my step daughter since she was 2, she's going to be 13 and I've always treated her like my own and wouldn't say no to watching her or taking her somewhere and just keeping my kids. If you need a break from your step kids you need a break from all the kids and if you are doing it 7 days a weeks, your fiance needs to be more understanding to your needs.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Would you pay for day care if you could get it for free? Would you pay for anything if you could get it for free? I don't think you would, and neither will the father of these children.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:30 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • You are not being're just bone deep tired. Anyone can understand that. I assume the step-kids are older because your child is 2 years old. If the skids are older, I see no reason why they can't go to day care. A 2 year old can't speak out for themselves...but older kids can. He could do it for a couple days a week. I don't think you are being selfish one bit.

    Answer by steponme at 4:37 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Children are exhausting, regardless of who their birth mother is.
    I can tell you this for sure, if you do not take care of yourself, there will be nothing left to give these children or your fiance. You are burnt out and need to give yourself a break. Go visit someone who will nurture you (like your mom or your sister).
    If your fiance is the type of man who thinks childcare is for moms only, you need to educate him now that raising healthy children takes teamwork. It doesn't get easier as they get older, just different.
    Call and get a sitter. Don't wait for him to do it. Do it for you, and for the kids. They probably could use a break too.

    Answer by loralie428 at 2:31 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

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