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Need some depression during pregnancy advice

Okay, this baby was a surprise to us all - quite fortunately, my partner and our respective families are overjoyed. I'm having a hard time sharing in the excitement. My partner is about 13 years older, he's already "been there, done that" and is really looking forward to settling down and having a family. I feel like I'm at the prime of my youth and was so looking forward to traveling more, getting to know my adult self better, etc. Sometimes I am just so angry with myself for not being more careful. Is it selfish of me to sometimes just be so frustrated and confused? Obviously, this is a first time pregnancy. Other days, I am excited and feel blessed to be with a wonderful man and have a supportive family (immediate and extended). When people tell me "everything is going to be okay," I just want to scream! I'm scared I won't have the patience, or resent my child for losing a freedom I never got to fully experience. Advice?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Apr. 16, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (7)
  • i feel like that too sometimes. i even feel that i got pregnant when i hit the peak of my own sexyness. and now i'm covered with stretchmarks. and i'm stuck at home. and all my friends are at college. away from me. everyone has a party to go to... i got pregnant as soon as i got my freedom. first year in college.

    true it can feel selfish or wrong and super depressing. but at the same time.. i couldn't, would not, trade anything at all for my lovely daughter. i can feel depressed sometimes.. & wish i had waited.. but i can never even think that to my daughter's face. i love her so much. sometimes i daydream about all the things i could've done.. all the fun stuff i could've done.. crazy drunken nights. tattoos, piercings..something illegal... all of that.. but i've never even gotten the chance. but as soon as my baby wakes up.. it all just disappears. being a mom can be hard. a lot. but it's worth it.. just to see baby smile.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • im 19 and pregnant with my first (and last if i can help it!) so i know exactly how you feel. when i first found i said, well there goes the end of partying, going out whenever i want, spending alone time with my husband, etc. And all those thoughts went through my head about will i resent her? will i think she took my youth? and the answer is no! if you decide to keep your baby the answer is no. you will feel down sometimes and yes there will be missed concerts, or friday nights out, but think of what youre getting in the long run. Unconditional love, the chance to support, love, teach, grow with a person, someone YOU made. The smiles this little person will share with you, hearing him/her say i love you mommy for the first time, and every time after that. watching how just a kiss from you can make a boo boo from the playground magically be okay. theres a lot to give up, but there is so much more to be gained! good luck!

    Answer by USMC_Elisa at 1:36 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I felt the same way with my first after i took the test i cryed for 4 days none stop. But the fact that you are worried about this tells me you are going to be a wonderful mom that will love that baby with all your heart. Yes having a child is a very life changing thing to go through. ANd yes it will make you grow up alot faster then you ever wanted to but it really is worth it i promise it seems now like you can't do this but hang in there you have a very supporting family that will help you through this and if you get stressed out after the baby is here i am sure they will be more then happy to give you a welcomed and well need break. just hang in there sweetie i know it is hard. if you need to talk about anything i will be more the happy to lend a ear and help you out i have been in your shoes and walked a million miles. just drop me a line if you feel the need

    Answer by J_L_Fshr at 1:44 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • This is normal. Talk to your dr about how you feel as well. A baby is not the end of you life. Now you just a baby that you can share it all with. When i travel i enjoy having my kids there and showing them new things and seeing there face when they learn something. I don’t think that I have given up anything with my kids. I still go out, I still travel, I still do everything that I did before i had my first child. You have stated that you have a very supportive family so when you feel like you need some "you time" call up grandma, or aunt or someone and just ask them to watch you baby for the night. It does not make you a bad mom to ask you family for help.

    Answer by twinsnseptember at 1:47 PM on Apr. 16, 2009


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • hi there again *i'm the first anon poster*

    just thought i'd mention.. you can still have a night out every once in a while.. although rare. they can happen. and since so many people seem so happy about your pregnancy, i'm sure those same people would be willing to watch your child for a few hours.

    i hardly have a GNO.. but thats mostly by choice. i cant stay away from my dd too long.i'll miss her too much. but yea... i never realized what great friends i had before i had a baby... how many people were willing to take me out for a much needed break. i know it's hard... kinda shocking i'm sure.., like one of the posters said.. i cried for days as well wen i first found out.

    but, now i just feel so blessed. just thought i'd share... i hope you cheer up!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:47 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Thanks for all the advice and support, ladies! I am feeling much better about it all. My SO was very excited this morning to tell me about a dream he had about our baby... just to see how happy he is, is a pick-me-up in itself. He is very reassuring that I'll make an awesome mom, and we'll have a great family.. It's good to know that there are other women out there that feel the same as I do - and also knowing that we'll probably have to make appointments to see our own baby! Our families are volunteering, even demanding, that they get their own time with the baby! It's going to be okay - depsite hormones and everything else! :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

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