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Dont really feel attached to my newborn

Anyone else not feel connected with their newborn baby? She is 10 days today and my husband came home on leave for the birth. He was very very involved with her care which was great but all I did for the 8 days we were all together was feed her, change her diapers and put her clothes on. my DH did everything else, comforting, carying, showing her off to family. I feel like i kinda got shoved to the side and in that happening I didnt get to bond with my baby. I dont feel like I have a strong bond with her at all. I love her and all but I dont have this overwhelming love/bond/etc for her that my friends had described to me when their kids were born. Is this something that developes over some time? Maybe im just dealing with baby blues??

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Apr. 16, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (10)
  • could be the baby blues, and it will develop overtime! congrats on the baby =0)

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 6:14 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • It took me a little while with my son as well. You are still coming down off the hormones and this is a big change in your life. My son is now 4 months old now and im constantly worried when Im not with him now and I absolutly adore him. If you still feel this way another month or so I would talk to your Dr though it could be post pardum depression and you'll want to get that taken care of. Right now I just think you need time to adjust.

    Answer by rena_goldmoon at 6:16 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Thanks...that was another thing ,I have left her with my mom for about 20 minutes if that about 2-3 times and I didnt have anything in me worrying about her while my husband on the other hand was nothing but a ball of worry and contantly saying how he hoped she was ok. Made me feel guilty for not worrying about her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • It's different for every mom. It took me a long time to bond with my daughter. I had a bad case of the baby blues for the first 2-3 weeks, but after that went away we bonded like crazy. I was so worried, and felt like the worst mother for not instantly loving her to death, but it's normal. For those first few weeks I felt more like her babysitter than her mother because I just didnt feel any attachment to her.

    Give it some time, and dont worry or feel bad. Not all of us have an instant bond, and those who do are very lucky. Also, dont be afraid to talk to your doctor about post partum depression. If you think you might have it, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

    Answer by kate_jocelyn at 6:48 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Just a suggestion, take it or leave and I won't get any feelings hurt, but you might try "wearing" your baby in a sling. Breastfeeding helps, too. Sing to her, Read to her. Play with her. Your bonding will occur. I've done all of these with my babies (all five) and it really does help! (At least it did for me.) I hope this helps you, too!

    Answer by singnstitch at 7:01 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I know how you feel. Momma does get pushed aside and you cease to be a headliner. Now the baby has the show. It's ok though. It took me months to "bond" with my son. Because he was at Texas Children's Hospital for is first month by the time I got him home it felt for me like I was no one different from the nurses and doctors who tended to him. It took about 3-4 months before we really bonded and he became dependent on me. Take charge Momma. You birthed her, so take over. Let your husband know how left out you feel and it's not good for you so if he could let you take your part back with her it would help you immensely.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 7:25 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Could be baby blues, could be PPD.

    I have severe PPD. My daughter is 3.5 months old and I've dealt with it since the moment she was born.

    I mean, I love her...but sometimes I just want to hand her to my fiance and just walk away from it all. Sometimes it's just too much, yanno?

    Answer by caitxrawks at 7:54 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Oh, and to add something...I have the same problem as you. I don't worry about my baby. If I leave her with my mom or with another family member that I trust, I'm perfectly fine until I return. She even stayed the night with my mom when we were moving last month. No biggie, I actually *enjoyed* a night of uninterrupted sleep.

    You're so totally not alone.

    Answer by caitxrawks at 7:56 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I know what you mean. I love my girl and think she's great. But I don't mind handing her to someone(family I mean) and going out for a cigarette/shower etc. I can hear her crying and not be like "oh my goodness!!" I just casually go over and deal with it...

    Answer by BambiF at 9:00 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • thank you everyone, i was really feeling like i was the only one to deal with this sort of thing since no one i know has felt like this. i dont think its ppd. i do think it is a combo of the baby blues/hormone dump, my husband caring for her soo much and him leving for iraq again. this is our first and im just new to it all and on my own with her. thanks again everyone

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

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