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help me. need some advice ...

I am 20 . with 2 kids and wonderful SO .. i have been on my own since i was about 17 . before that i was in and out of my moms house .. we never got along wen we lived in the same house ... when i was 18 she moved across the country.. she left behind - ME .. my two daughters , my 16 yr old brother and her life here. then she moved down there got with a man who has 3 young children they are (8,12,14) they live together and are starting this new life down there, getting married next year , in there state .. we talk a few times a week ..but i feel so mad at her .. i feel like she is so terribly wrong for EVERYTHING.. like she left all of us and is starting this new life and were just people on the sidelines somewhat,.. like im mad i cant just go see my mom and my kids arent going to know her and she cant be here to guide me thru life.. i feel alone like she should be here ... am i wrong for wantin 2 b selfish????

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Asked by MizzMarla at 10:49 PM on Apr. 16, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • and for the record we were very close .even though we couldnt live together... she was a very good mother to me growin up and im not bashing her at all .. i just dont know if what im feelin is ok or normal??

    Answer by MizzMarla at 10:51 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Where did your mom move to? You are not selfish for wanting your mother's guidance. Maybe she thought that since you have 2 cildren now that you were ready to move through life without her.


    Answer by PrttyMstng at 10:56 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • I think it's normal. My mom and I werent close living together or after and she always ditched my sister and I even when we lived at home. If it came between her and her man at the time, it was her man. I had to learn to deal with it and just make sure my children never went through it. It's hard, so many times I want to scream at her for it and its been years ago. I still feel like an orphan sometimes. But she looks at it like, she lived her life as a parent, now its time to move on. She wasnt there as a parent though either which is why I can see why you are having trouble accepting what your mother did. maybe talk to her... tell her how you feel. Or write her if it's easier. It cant hurt. Just try to live as best you can with whatever she tells you and love your kids and let them know this will never happen to them. Thats about all you can do. Im sorry you are having a hard time hun *hugs*

    Answer by sailfishmommy at 10:58 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • i live in Ohio and she lives in Kansas ... I really resent her so bad .. i just want to shake her ..thank you sailfishmommy .. it kind of helps !!

    Answer by MizzMarla at 11:04 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Sounds like you are very hurt and can't understand, being a mother yourself, how she could do that. I had a friend in a similar situation. She and her mother did not talk for years after her mother abandoned them and started a new life, until my friend had a child. Then mom was there like mad and was all about being mom and grandma... for a while, then she up and did it again. There's just no understanding some people. Perhaps it's better your mom's out of the picture so that your children don't have to go through that with her. I hope that you find some acceptance of your situation and that you have others around you who will love you and not abandon you. My mom is around, but emotionally distant. Not sure that's much better. ((hugs))

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:04 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • Just try to hang in there, I wont say it gets easier to deal with cause it doesnt. I still find myself upset because I cant just call my mom and talk to her, or go visit her. She doesnt know how to be a mom or a grandma and I always set myself up for disappointment. And I dont have a dad to run to either, he's only a dad when he wants to be. He's in Florida and I to am in Ohio and he's not even allowed to talk to me when he's with his new wife and her family. So it sucks.

    Answer by sailfishmommy at 11:28 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • you have us. We'll help guide you if you want us to. It's her loss in making that choice. Don't waste precious time or energy on her. Enjoy your family. Don't give her power over your life to make you miserable. Devote yourself to you kids and siblings and know that karma will catch up with her.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:35 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

  • What you're feeling sounds completely normal.

    However, you might just have to do nothing, forget about it, and move on. That means forgiving her whether you like it or not. I have always felt the same about my mom leaving me to care for the house and raise my 9yo brother, but there's just nothing I can do about the past except LEAVE IT in the past. I still have my mother around and she's moved closer to me now...I won't deny her or my kids the chance at a relationship, so why should I deny myself the same thing because of something that happened twenty years ago?

    Easier said than done....

    Answer by hilbilimac at 11:45 PM on Apr. 16, 2009

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