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What would you do...

Ok so here's the short version.
Hubby and I are expecting our first in a few weeks (yay!) The only problem is my mother, who is constantly throwing advice at me, and acting like she knows everything about pregnancy. The point? She's never been pregnant. I'm adopted, so is my sister. And I can't tell her not to give me advice or remind her that she's never been pregnant, because it's a sensitive subject, and she tends to take *everything* incredibly personally.
How should I handle this? Do I just have to put up with it, or is there a way I can talk to her and get her to shut up?

Answer Question
 
SarahLeeMorgan

Asked by SarahLeeMorgan at 1:52 AM on Apr. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,498 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I guess if ignoring her isnt working just be like "MOM im extremely hostile right now, I dont want to hear any advice from anybody." blame it on pregnancy ; ) than if she gets that hurt look in her eyes say something its nothing against you i just am getting annoyed easier for some reason
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 2:01 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Just tell her you are wanting to decide for yourself on how you experience it, because no two people have the same advice with their experience being pregnant. Just ask her to let you learn it, and tell her it's a woman's instinct. You'll figure it out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:03 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Breezy: With any sane person, that would work...lol. I think I might just have to live with it; when I say my mom takes everything personally, I mean, when I tell her that I'm in a bad mood and ask her to leave me alone, she gets all dramatic, throws up her hands and flips out. I can't be in a bad mood around her, because she makes me feel bad for being hormonal.
    Oh well, thanks for trying, lol.
    SarahLeeMorgan

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 2:08 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Just listen and go on. I have a mother that is the same way. I was mad at my husband one time. He went to the bathroom and she kept asking me what was wrong, I insisted that nothing was wrong ( I didnt want to talk about it...he was in the bathroom!) she instantly played this little game she has always done and made an ass of herself, she instantly only thought of me being mad at HER....GOD FORBID there is anyone else on this planet besides her. She FORCED herself into being in the delivery room with my first even though I told her I didnt want her in there. It will all be over soon enough. Ive had to listen to EVERY story of my MIL a 100 times. She only had ONE baby, Im on #3 so you can imagine how tired of hearing them I am. LOL
    vivianasmom

    Answer by vivianasmom at 2:16 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • She's just being "mom", even though she never experiance a pregnacy. Justt let her be her, and know she's olny showing her love for you the only way she can =)
    GmaPam7257

    Answer by GmaPam7257 at 2:20 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Just tell her you can learn from experience and you want to do this on your own but you appreciate her trying to help you out. Let her know It's not only you but your babies father thats going to be there for you also to help you out. This sounds like a tough situation but she needs to lay off a little and let her know if you DO need her advice you will ask. My own mother is really negative and thinks the worst of everything but most times I just ignore her or say uh huh uh huh like I'm listening. Once the baby is born I'm sure she will lay off a little once she can see you are doing just fine on your own. Congrats and good luck
    faithsMoM27

    Answer by faithsMoM27 at 2:20 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • You smile, listen, and say "Thank you - I know how much you love me, and how excited you are for us and about the new baby! I'll keep what you said in mind when my dh and I make a decision, but you're such a great mom, I know that whatever we decide to do, you're going to respect our choice. It's so good to know that I can count on you for advice while knowing you respect my judgment - that means so much to me!

    Then, change the subject. Who knows, some of the advice she offers may be good (lol, male ob's haven't been pg, either, but they still have good advice ;-) ), and some may not. This way, she can feel that she's a part of it, and there for you (not to mention she might be feeling sad and a little jealous that she was never pg), and at the same time, you aren't having to do it all her way, and you're nicely telling her that you will make the decisions. Plus, you're doing it in a way that she can't be offended.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:22 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • She's probably just excited and living vicariously through you since she's never experienced it. Don't cheat her out of the closest thing she'll ever come to having a baby herself. Just love her. If you have made it this far you can get through a few more weeks. She's just trying to share the experience with the person she loves the most, that would be you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:33 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • I agree with the last two posts. Why do you need her to stop? Okay its annoying you, but really, you dont see how important this is for her. Shes just doing it because she cares. It will end eventually and you two will learn how to be mother, grand mother and child, but for now....please just let it go.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:48 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Just listen to her, I am sure she has some wisdom about certain things. Women are wonderful.
    meb3

    Answer by meb3 at 11:23 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

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