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children/older

what are some difficulties that come up with adopting an older child say between 5 and 9?

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KidsDesrveFamly

Asked by KidsDesrveFamly at 2:50 AM on Apr. 17, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (8)
  • There are many books on adoption, adoptee issues, and foster care adoption. It seems like you are just starting out and have a lot of questions and I think doing some research before you start the process would be beneficial for you, your family, and any child that you would be hoping to adopt.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:28 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Road blocks I have seen a re depends on the situations of the children. If the parental rights are not terminated, even if the intention is to have those rights terminated, there is always a chance that the biological parents may maintain parental rights. Always a chance a family member can come forward to raise the child. But a good case manager will never promise you anything. Just let you know the risks. Problems usually range in severity and longevity. I have found hording food and other items common. It is not theft or trying to be bad. There are ways to effectively help a child with these issues. Sometimes behavior from mouthy to physical/sexual acting out. Sometimes there are no issues. I always say expect the worst and hope for the best. It is about loving that child and no matter what being a parent to that child. Be real about what you can take on. That is the number one issue. Not the children but
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • very well intentioned perspective parents who do not realize how intense these situations can be. I always suggest counseling to get adjusted as a family. More often at first, then once a month, and then more often again when the honeymoon period disappears (you will know when), and then phase it out. Accept help from the case workers and others who know the child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • thanx for your advice and fair warnings I really do appreciate it. Tokk my Grandma 11years to have my adoption finalized...Iam sure she worried loads so did I.
    KidsDesrveFamly

    Answer by KidsDesrveFamly at 1:50 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Reactive Attachment Disorder is a neurological and psychological disorder in neglected and abused children that can be pretty intense. Kids that have RAD do not respond to normal parenting techniques and progress is sometimes painfully slow in coming.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • I agree with "expect the worst and hope for the best". Adopting an older child can be hugely challenging and hugely rewarding. Parents really need to do their research first about attachment issues (which leads to many behavioral issues) as well as other issues like the effects of trauma and grief, physical and sexual abuse, neglect, prenatal exposure, etc. The need to prepare existing siblings, and line up support from friends and family (but know that they will never understand how truly challenging it can be for you).

    There are some great books out there:
    Adopting the Older Child by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky
    Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft by Mry Best-Hopkins
    Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray

    It also helps a lot to talk to others who have done this. I suggest checking out the Foster Adoptive group on CafeMom and similar groups on other sites. Good luck to you!

    Christine
    ForeverMom05

    Answer by ForeverMom05 at 2:08 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Another great book is "Becoming Family" by Lark Eschelman.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:44 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • The need for a parent is important and so to ADOPT a child is to give a child a -parent. Good for you! May I put forward a suggestion for a child with the homelessness of the child to be your first choice? Therefore, one country I am hoping you will consider adopting a Brazilian born child if the Lord God Almighty is willing for you to do so.
    justmealone

    Answer by justmealone at 10:40 PM on May. 21, 2009

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