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Profile of BF...what's your instinct/advice? Now we've backed up and are trying to keep a distance b/w

Bf and dd both14. He was invited to our home on occasion, then once a week or so. He'd come over at like 2 pm and stay all day. We kept an eye on them. Then he started showing his true colors. Resisted doing what we all wanted to do, snuck out into the dark, they started kissing, IMed her some rude restricted utube video links, made her sad, talked about politics in angry tones (I hate our new president and democrats, now minorities will take over-blabla), wouldn't call his dad to come get him when I said, made comments that I should leave the room, said his Mom is "shy" and that's why she never comes in to say hi (she NEVER did) Dad's a closet racist, too, and lets him stay up playing violent video games all night. When we said this is too much, no dating right now, he tells her we hate her, she's being oppressed and it's legal to leave at 16. How can we be honest about our feelings about him w/out sounding too judgemental?

Answer Question
 
dflygirl7

Asked by dflygirl7 at 7:01 AM on Apr. 17, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • You need to not worry about being judgemental. That boy is a sinking ship and will take your daughter with him if you do not stop it now. She is going to end up pregnant, brainwashed, and sounds like verbally abused by him if you dont step in. They are both tooooooo young for that kind of relationship anyway. Sounds like you need to put bars on the windows and security lights on every window of your house.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:06 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • you are the parent right?! Just tell them what's what and tell your DD you are sorry but you know he just isnt good for her..she will get over it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:07 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Not sure on the abreviations, but DD is your daughter and BF is her boyfriend? 14? Too young. And what are you afraid of. Get rid of the kid. Don't you have rules of behaviour in your house? Don't you restrict the types of people who can influence your kids? Get rid of him.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 8:10 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • What everybody else said. It's YOUR house. Let him know if he comes back, you'll call the cops for trespassing.
    MrsAlmeda

    Answer by MrsAlmeda at 8:43 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • oh my. i dont want my babies to grow up...
    sorry! that wasn't helpful!
    i dont have any solid advice, but i can say i wish you the best of luck. my mom is always calling me with probs like this about my little sister. i feel for you and hope you find a way to deal with everything and not go crazy.
    mama_moonsong

    Answer by mama_moonsong at 8:51 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • ps- perhaps taking her phone away when they undermine you...? thats the only threat that works on my wayward sister. its like the ultimate punishment or something. lol. god forbid they cant text all day and night.
    mama_moonsong

    Answer by mama_moonsong at 8:52 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • When it comes to protecting my child from anything. I don't care how judgemental I sound. I mean think about it, his dad is a closet racist, so y should u worry about sounding judgemental. Good luck. I always say Little kids = little problems, big ones = big problems, very true.
    milmiracle

    Answer by milmiracle at 9:19 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Kick his dirty ass out of your house, and tell him hes a low life scumbag and that your daughter deserves way better. Then sit her down and show her some video clips of how men should treat women. My sister had a boyfriend like this when I was 14, I kicked him out of her life, by myself, I know you can do it too. He wouldnt let her do anything, and he started hitting her. So one day I saw it, and he wont even walk up my street now. I sat her down and explained how boyfriends and girlfriends should be. (she is two years older than me now and knows when to get out of an unhealthy relationship). =) Tell you daughter she deserves better, because every girl does!
    MammaBella

    Answer by MammaBella at 9:56 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Okay, well first of all, you lay down the rules. YOu don't want to sound too judgmental, no, but it sounds like you bent over backwards to be nice to this child and allow him to be himself in your home and respect him. He did not reciprocate the actions and hes got the attention of your most valuable possession. YOur daughter. Its time for the gloves to come off and time for yo and dad to lay down the laws about how its really about protecting her. Sure shes gonna be pissed at you, but make sure you do this in love. Just let her know that this child does not represent our values and what we want for you and you deserve better and hes not allowed over here anymore. Hes filling her head with nonsense and its becoming a battle over her between you and him. Well, if that were me, I would know who was going to win that.....Not him. Shes only 14, so her say is limited. Also this will be the time where the respect for you comes up.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:12 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Also let me say that I remember you from the other day with this same story. I m glad that you told her it was too soon for dating. Also even if its legal for her to leave at 16, that still doesnt negate the fact that shes only 14 and in 2 yrs....A LOT can happen. I bet you money that she wont even know him in 2 yrs. Thats how short of a memory teens have when it comes to relationships. SO take heart about that fact. If hes lying to her and being more of an influence in her life than you, then cut him off.....NOW.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:15 AM on Apr. 17, 2009

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