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I need advice please no bashing!!

This is a constant arguement with me and dh. I do not feel comfortable with leaving my 2 yr old with my inlaws. Aside from not trusting them its there lifestyle. First off my FIL is an alcoholic and a uses cocaine. I know this because my MIL told me and showed me his stash, he's even "used" infront of my BIL. So why would I think that he would not do it infront of my DD.

Secondly, my BIL is 24 and lives at home and does whatever he pleases, he has random ppl staying over and half of the time my MIL does not know ANY of these ppl. So Im afraid of what might happen to my DD. My DH doesn't understand that I just don't feel my dd as being safe there. He thinks Im wrong for being this way. He thinks because its HIS parents it should be okay. But I dont care who it is, my mother left me with a family member once that she thought she could trust and I ended up being molested. I don't want that for my baby. Am I wrong?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on Apr. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • No, you are the mom and if you don't trust them, then don't do it. Tell him to take a hike. Sorry, but if he won't listen, you are to protect your daughter.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Absolutely not! You are 100 percent right for not wanting to leave your baby with them.

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 11:16 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • my step daughter is in the same situation and after 3 yrs of standing her ground and constant arguing...her husband finally sees things in her point of view.
    All I can say is do not waver in your stance...keep fighting! you know what is best and he loves his mom and dad and isn't going to get it for a long time.
    good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • always go with your gut if your feeling like it is unsafe then just don't do it. when your a mom you get this 6th sence you know when your child is safe and when they are not ALWAYS TRUST THAT!!!

    Answer by jannie1025 at 11:24 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • No you are not wrong. He just feels you are singling out his family. Does he know of what happened to you? If not you should tell him. If he still doesn't understand try having a mutual friend speak with him. No matter what you should not back down if they see your child it should be 100% supervised. If all else fails try counceling. Good Luck I hope this helps a little.

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 11:31 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • You're absolutely right in what you feel. A mother knows their child almost better than they know themself (at this young of an age anyway) and you know when something just isn't right.
    I hate to assume but I'm sure that you've discussed the drug and alcohol issues with your dh... is he in denial? Are the discussions in over the top arguements with tensions high, and voices raised? Have you two sat down rationally and discussed this and how your childs safety is something that should not be taken lightly? It sounds like he is in denial and that he has his guard up... almost like he's taking it personally when it doesn't have anything to do with him really. Try to approach him in maybe a more soft manner... not easy to do I know but I wouldn't be surprised if that were to help. Good luck!

    Answer by prettylilrae at 11:31 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • It's better to be a little over protective than to have something happen, I think you're absolutely right to not want her over there, if you aren't going to look out for her who is? Hopefully your DH will see your side of it and back you up, even if they are his parents they don't have the right to put his child in danger.

    Answer by heratyc at 11:32 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • A word of advice - TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Do not brush off your inner voice that is telling you what does and what does not feel right. Does your DH know about your horrible experience as a child? If he doesn't, then he needs to know. If he knows, then he should not be so naive and think that nothing could EVER happen. Especially with your BIL's friends. How many times have we heard of something bad happening to a little girl because of a family friend? One too many times!
    Now, as far as your FIL... He's basically a drug user. That should be an automatic red flag. People on drugs are often not themselves, so really, anything can happen, because remember, it is no longer them who commits an improper act, but as they state in police reports "he was under the influence off..." Which leaves your DD in some possible danger. Isn't it funny how we pay attention to the"CAUTION" & "DANGER" signs everywhere but our own gut?

    Answer by Hepburn79 at 11:34 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • We've had this discussion time and time again. and yes he knows that his father does all those things, he even knows about him using infront of BIL. He also knows about the random guys staying at the in laws home but he still thinks that his parents have the right to be with my dd alone. I let them see her when THEY feel convienient and i NEVER leave her side. But I don't want to have that guilt if something does happen, my mom dealt with it for years. I tell him all it takes is one time and I would NEVER forgive myself if anything happened to her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Get a mutual outside perspective I say mutual so he doesn't feel like your ganging up on him. Have a close mutual friend talk to him. If his dd got hurt at his parents house he would just die but he wont believe from you or maybe not unless it happens.

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 11:45 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

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