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im trying to break my 6 month old daughter of crying to be picked up and held. i feel so guilty though. how long is too long to let her cry?

we just moved to 29 palms, california and its hard for me to get used to things here, i can only imagine how hard it must be for her. all of our family is in st louis.

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dcrone87

Asked by dcrone87 at 11:14 PM on Apr. 17, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (12)
  • it depends.... is she crying at bedtime? or do you mean that she is crying for you to pick her up throughout the day?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • at 6 months old they are going through the same phase every single baby goes through.. the mommy and daddy phase.. or whoever takes care of them on a regular basis.. anyways when they are about 6 months old they constantly want to be held by that person or persons and the best thing to do is to hold them or try and be around them whenever they cry. They are testing you to see if they can trust you and when they cry and you are there they learn they can count on you and trust you. It effects them in the long run how their relationship is with you.. I just read about this in my psych class and I was interested because my 7 month old is doing the same thing. Good luck! I know its stressful and annoying but it will pass soon and you will wish your baby wanted you all the time
    casper4991

    Answer by casper4991 at 11:22 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Well there are all different thoughts on it. I was told from my doctor that you should let your baby cry for 20 minutes or less. You could go in every 5 minutes (or even longer if you can bear it). The reason for the 20 minutes is because it could take your baby that long to quiet themselves down and go to bed. The first and second night will be the hardest. Just be consistant. Believe me. It took us a while and then we realized we just need to be consistant. Make sure to do the same thing everynight before bed. Your night time routine should be the same and then your baby will realize that it is time for bed and will start to not cry when you put her down.
    It is hard but you can do it. Try reading the book Good Night Sleep Tight: The Sleep Ladys Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep, Stay Asleep, and Wake Up Happy. It will give you soe helpful ideas on what to do. You can get it on amazon pretty cheap.
    Good luck!
    Christiansmom17

    Answer by Christiansmom17 at 11:24 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Well, since your in a new place that your LO also isnt used to I think you should pick her up when she cries, she needs your reassurance. She's at separation anxiety age also, and it's so important that you show her you'll always be there for her.

    Have you thought about getting a sling or some type of infant carrier? That way you can hold her and have your hands free at the same time. They go through phases like this, it probably wont last very long, so try to just tough it out :)
    kate_jocelyn

    Answer by kate_jocelyn at 11:51 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • If you hold your baby when she cries now, you'll have to hold her less in the future because she'll have learned to trust you. It's important to let her be clingy to you in these first few years so she can learn to be extremely independent later in life.

    Depencence on you NOW, creates better, stronger independence in life LATER.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Your little one is crying for a reason. Pick her up. At this age babies are going through separation anxiety. They literally feel like they are being left alone and they need you to let them know that you are not abandoning them, that you are there for them. Letting them just crying is only going to make them feel alone and like they can't trust you when they need you. Add to that that you're in a new place, and she needs you even more during this scary time.

    My daughter is going through this right now, and I know it's tough, by this too shall pass. It's only for a short time.

    You can also try a sling or wrap to keep her close to you and still let you do things. :)

    Just hold her and let her know you're there for her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 PM on Apr. 17, 2009

  • Since it is a new place she needs comforting. So she is probably having a perfectly normal setback in her development. Nothing to worry about, but treat her as though she is, say, 5 months instead of 6 months. When she is used to the changes, even the stress that you've been under from the move probably afftected her, then you can start your 6 month cry it out program.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 12:15 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • One thing I read that made sense to me is that you really can't spoil a child that young. They have limited means of communicating with you, and crying is the main one. What they need most is to feel secure - that someone will respond to their needs. You probably know by now the difference between the cries. Of course you can't spend every second attending to her needs and holding her - you have to cook, shower, etc. But if you can try to set up a routine where you have focused time where you are not doing two things at once, one being holding her, for just 15 minutes at a time, and make sure she has toys she prefers to learn to entertain herself a bit, that might help.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:18 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • All My family is in the STL too and I just moved to the same coast, just a bunch more north. I am a single mom with no one around until my husband gets back so my baby sometimes has to cry before I can get to her. Its ok, especially when its just to be picked up. Hold her with you can especially if she it younger. But if you are doing something and she is dry, fed, and isnt hurt, just talk to her or sing. She will know you are there and get used to waiting if you cant come right away. You are lucky its just crying. Mine screams bloody murder at the top of her lungs!
    HunnysFarAway

    Answer by HunnysFarAway at 1:00 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • At six months old, ANY crying time is too long. She's programmd to be held and picked up all the way to the first birthday, so go do it.

    Only thing you really need to get used to in 29 Palms is the heat! **grin**
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:22 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

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