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dose anyone have there mom or inlaws living with them and there family?

my mom lives with me, my husband, and our 3 children. i'm trying to set bounderys but i don't know how to talk to her we aren't close but i still know that she is my mom we just don't communicate well i want her to do her part in the house work i don't think that i need to be the only one to do all the house work myself she dose live her and we have been supporting her too. but i don't want her to be a parent to my children i don't leave my kids with her only once in a while if i have to take our oldest to counsling appt i take the baby and leave my son that is onlyfor about 2hr.s and every two weeks i haven't gone out with my husband but twice in the last51/2 months and she said that the baby is two hard to take care of . her take on disipling our children isn't the same as ours she treats them the same as she did to me and i don't want it to be like that. am i asking to much ?

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jannie1025

Asked by jannie1025 at 11:49 PM on Apr. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • i wish i could tell you how to work it out. but my mom and i have the same relationship, and the same issues she lives with us and tries to discipline my dd in ways i don't agree with. or will say yes when she heard me say no. we are selling the house end of the year and are gonna get her set up in an apartment and have told her she needs to find a job soon so she can support herself w/o us. (shes only 52 so shes perfectly capable of working. she painted houses til last year when her boss died, his was a personal business her the only employee she just hasn't looked for a new job) so sorry but no you arent the only one. message me if you want to vent and i'll vent back :)
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 12:02 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • My dd wants me to live with her and her family and I said OH Heck No! It's too nerve wracking to have two head chefs in the kitchen so to speak. Setting boundaries isn't that hard. Just tell her what you expect from her and she'll tell you what she expects from you. I know I'd feel out of sorts living with one of my kids. One hates me cleaning her house. The other would love if I did but it's too much for me to do. You can do this together. Maybe she likes one chore and doesn't like another but remember this is your house and she may not feel comfortable taking over doing stuff without you telling her it's ok. Just talk to her.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:03 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I know exactly how you feel. Up until about 6 months ago it was the same for me. She moved in with my family when she had surgery January08 and had to have things her way. We fought so much over how to take care of my kids and the fact that she shows a lot of favoritism to my 4 year old. Finally I moved out of the apartment and had everything switched to her name. It was only about 2 weeks she moved out herself. Into her moms house. I guess she just wants to be needed but it was still hard living together when you have one way of doing things and she has another.

    TaterNJo0sMommy

    Answer by TaterNJo0sMommy at 12:31 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • NEVER let family live with you, and NEVER live with family. I've done it. It sucked.
    NicMorgan

    Answer by NicMorgan at 2:28 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I don't think you're asking too much, all you're really asking for is a little respect in your own home, and that's all any of us really want. I haven't been in this situation myself, but I can imagine that it would be very difficult to set boundries for a parent, but if she's living in your house then that's what needs to be done. I would say that admckinzie's "two head chefs" example would be better than anything I could come up with, and it sounds a lot better too, lol.
    heratyc

    Answer by heratyc at 2:37 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I agree never let family live with you or vice versa. I'm in a bad situation with my marriage the only place for me to go is my sisters...I refuse to live with her so I just stay put.
    my mom lived with me for a month and it had it's ups and downs. luckily I was renting and she could only stay a month or I would have violated the lease and would have been evicted.
    My step daughter has lived with her inlaws for 3 yrs now and its too the point I think her and her husband are getting used to having all their money to themselves and forgot how to be independent and pay for their own living.
    Do something constructive now, or it will build and build and you will blow and say things you cannot take back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

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