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What would you do if your husband, boyfriend, or SO left you to do everything that pertained your child?

Okay, my husband works at Taco Bell as a closer and usually doesnt get home till 130am on weeknights and 330am on weekends and I always let him sleep as long as he needs. I know that being a SAHM means taking care of our daughter, but whenever I need a break, I ask my husband to do stuff for her too. Which is only fair because after all he is the father and his job isn't hard or anything. But everytime I ask him to feed her, or hold her when shes cryin, he acts like its a big hastle and I end up doing it myself. Or when I give her to him and say "Here you hold her and play with her for a while." he just holds her for like 2 seconds and puts her down. And then he complains about me not letting him do anything, but I always try and get him to do something. I just feel like I am doing it all and I could use a break sometimes. What do I do? How do I handle this? Am I wrong for feeling like this? HELP!!!!!!


Asked by makenzimommy09 at 11:57 PM on Apr. 17, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (10)
  • No you are not wrong what it is men tend to hold or play with the baby for a short time that is just the way men are. I made the mistake on giving my dh the idea that I would do it all and ever since then he tells me you have always done the things for our kids and I tell him yes when they were babies but now I need you to watch or play with them I need just alittle space. I'll go to Walmart and enjoy my quiet time by myself get my bearings right and come home and prepare to be the mom that I am and wife :) GL Hang in there!

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 12:14 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • Sadly, men just aren't very good with babies, lol. They like them when they get older and they can "play" with them.

    My husband did this with our firstborn and now he realizes that he needs to be involved more when they are younger also. He's much more active with our 2nd child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • were married to the same man, things havent changed with our second-im a sahm too buut i dont think its fair that he doesnt pitch in, he made these children too, but w/e, things get better when they get older and can communicate

    Answer by tuesdaygreen at 12:07 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • maybe he just feels lost about what to do. ask him...

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:14 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • My husband was the same way. I was aching for a break but didn't get it. It will get better as the baby interacts with him more. Try to get him to assist with fun stuff such as bathing, or reading to the baby. or some toy the baby likes. It will get better, but meanwhile you just have to do it, unless you can insist that you get some time off. I didn't, since I had the same thoughts as you, that my husband worked so hard and I was the SAH parent so I should do it all. But these days I believe that I would have insisted on an evening or weekend morning off and I would have been happier for it.

    Answer by Bmat at 12:20 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I had a guy like that. I left his sorry ass. A good father WANTS to be involved instead of bitching about it.

    Answer by jus1jess at 12:36 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I think a lot of men are like this at first, most men aren't natural nuturers (sp?) like women are. Plus, maybe he just doesn't feel that attached to your daughter, maybe he just doesn't know what to do. Have you tried talking to him about this? Maybe it will get better with communication. Even though you are a SAHM, you need a break too! Being a mama is hard work!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:11 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • My boyfriend's like this too. he's gotten alot better since i said something about it, but for the first 4 months of our sons life I worked graveyard shift, and did everything for our little one. I was up all day, slept maybe 5 hours when he would nap and work 9pm to 5am. its just not fair, men think that since you're the mommy, you should be the main caretaker of your child. we women need breaks once in awhile too! I'd talk to him about it hun. thats the only way it'll improve. gl

    Answer by LoniRae89 at 4:04 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • You should pray and ask God for wisdom then talk to your husband. If he has any off days he should be spending some of his time with your child. However, men were never meant to be nurturers(mothers) so lower your expectations if you would like to maintain peace in the home. You can not change anyone and you might have to overlook the issue at times. Your guy is tired from working all day and he does deserve to have a ethical/healthy outlet. You both need to find a happy medium. Counseling will help.

    Answer by delisa374 at 5:40 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I really hate when people say ask god first! okay, what good is that going to do... The person you should be talking to is your husband.... guys may not be natureres, but by golly they can sure help out every now and then... and men aren't the only ones in some households who work!

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 6:00 AM on Apr. 18, 2009