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What should I do ... I feel bad.

I am adopting my little girl. Her Birthmom has another child, he's 9 1/2 months. She drops him with me for days, weeks, even as long as a month! He weighs 13lbs, he can't sit up, can't crawl, can't stand up .... He started rolling over though :) This child crys all the time! You can't just set him down in a bouncer, on the floor, nothing without him crying. I have things to do and I just can't hold him 24/7 so he sits there and crys! If he starts to settle down and he spots me it'll start all over again! I've never had a baby... I don't want to pick him up and hold him too much because I don't want to get attached to him like I did his sister who lived with me for 2 yers and she just came get her out of the blue...(she's the one I'm adopting now :) .....so am I being selfish for letting him cry; Do I need to just get over it and pick him up? I don't know what to do? I feel bad for him.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:11 AM on Apr. 18, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • The only advice I could add is that you could "woo" her into adoption. Make it sound like a present to her: the baby is taken care of, tell her she could still see him, she doesn't have to worry about feeding, clothing, or childcare... etc. Kiss up to her as much as possible to get custody. That baby is being abused by her if he can't do anything and is super small for age.
    squish

    Answer by squish at 2:25 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • YOU HAVE ALPHABET PROBLEMS LESS I AND MORE U! PICK UP THE CHILD !!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • He is crying because apparently thats all she does, or does nothing at all, at 9 months he should be sitting up atleast... its sad... poor baby, Sometimes you have to let a spoiled baby cry, she doesn't exactly seem like the type of mother who would spoil the child so i have no idea honestly. If i were you I would start working with him, entertaining him and playing muscle building games to get him sitting up and stuff, babies cry when they are frustrated, they get frustrated when they can't get the things they want, or communicate, if he has no means of self reliance he is probably crying becaus he is completely helpless.. Is he eating solids? If not he may not be getting enough to eat... It could be so many things.... its hard to say really..
    Mommyxtwo777

    Answer by Mommyxtwo777 at 1:16 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • anon that screwed. I would be concerned for the baby he is malnurished and that is why he is crying. I would get CPS involved or talk with her about adopting him to if that is an option for you. Either way that baby needs help he is sick. He can't help himself and it sound like you are the one who can or is willing. I agree with you though on not wanting the attachment. Good luck I'm sorry but please do something for that poor baby.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 1:21 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • 13 pounds for a nine month old is very under weight. My son isnt even 5 months old and is about 14 or 15 lbs and is small for his age. ANd he is almost sitting up. every baby does at its own time but nine months is a little late. I would be picking him up. hes prolly crying for a reason. She prolly doesnt provide enough attention, love, affection, or food.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • Don't get me wrong I hold him. I play with him. I put him sitting up and he hold my fingers to stay up. We sing to him. We help him stand up. It's not All ABOUT ME! I do what I can for him. He just wants to be held 24/7. I have a 4 year old that needs attention too. His mom hardly ever has him.. If he's not with me he's with some other baby sitter. I think I am doing the best I can... If I had an alphabet problem I would not have him :) He'd be with his mother or whomever else Thank you :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • What a sad story :( I have no advice because unless your able to adopt this little boy also(have you considered it?) it's really a lose lose situation for him. Either way he's going to end up having unhealthy attachment problems because none of his caregivers are permanent or consistent in his life. Poor baby, I'd adopt him if I could. I feel so sorry for babies who arent properly loved.
    kate_jocelyn

    Answer by kate_jocelyn at 1:31 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I agree!! It is sad. His mom is a joke.... I know she's young a had a rough childhood but I feel she needs to take responsibility for her SECOND child. I felt sorry for her at first... but what made her think she could take care of another one if she couldn't the first one? She wanted to have him.I was 19 when my little girl came live with me and I gave up everything to take care of her so being young is not an excuse now......she's 19 just like I was when I took in her first child. I just don't understand. I must be missing something! I'd adopt him in a heartbeat if she asked. Trust me he gets alot of love here. He's very well taken care of when he's here But I know of some of the people she leaves him with and I wouldn't leave a stray dog with them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • IMO, his mother needs custody taken from her. 13lbs at 9 month is underweight. Something is not right. I would alert CPS, explain to them what I know, and let them investigate it. Until then, I would try to give that child as much love and attention as I could. He sounds like he really needs it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • Child services was called on her 2 times within the last 2 months... both times he wasn't with his mom when they came. They questioned everyone... even me... i told them everything... both times.... they did NOTHING!!!!... I have no more respect for child services.... I give up on them! Altogther three times they had to go to her house... after the same person being reported 3 times you'd think they'd do something besides look at her hosue..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 AM on Apr. 18, 2009

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