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How should I feel about this?

I am adopting my little girl. Well, this morning her birthmom calls me and ask me fi I wouldn't mind pretending I was someone else and she'd give her dad my phone number so he could talk to the kids. Apparently he doesn't know I am adopting her. My little girl lived with me for two years and one day her mom came get her and moved with him. I assume she told him bad things about me ( I don't know why b/c all I did was help her raise her kid and give her money and clothes and things when needed! ) They got in a fight (physical) and she called me to go her in the middle of the night 2 hours away and I did. Even though she avoided my called while there! When she came back she asked me to adopt her ittle girl. Now i am worried about if he finds out could he take me to court or something? Am I wrong for feeling offended? I don't know this is scary!


Asked by Anonymous at 11:44 AM on Apr. 18, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • She terminated her parental rights and, I am assuming, she told the attorney that she intended and chose you to parent this child. So doubtful grandfather could stop the adoption. He can always try. That is the thing. Anyone can try. But doubtful he has actual rights. The bigger picture is that bmom is playing all these games. It is better now to just set some very clear boundaries. For her sake as well as the child's. If this baby will still get to see her and have some sort of contact - clear boundaries have to be in place. From this point on, since she terminated her rights, she has to respect the position you have to protect this child. What kind of mother would lie to a grandfather? You can't lie. You don't also have to talk to him. Wait until after finalization and then see if he is wanting to still be part of this child's life. If he would be a support and help to this child include him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I am very confused. You know who the birthfather yes he can always, at anytime, come back and claim this child. The reason is that you and the birthmother would be committing fraud if you did not give him the legal opportunity to terminate his parental rights. As well as he may be legally elligable for financial assistance for whatever expenses he has had for this child. He may be a shitty person, a real bad dude, a druggie....but he still has rights. Any attorney is going to tell you the same thing. The judge won't let you adopt if he is not aware and has not terminated his rights. You would have to lie, both of you, and say you don't know who he is or where he is. And legally he could come back and say that was not true. Don't play games. If you love this child you need to be honest with her biological mother. And that may mean loosing this child. She will loose so much more in the end if games go on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I'm sorry I should have worded it better. it's the birth moms father not the childs father. Sorry my mistake. As far the the childs birthfather goes the mom was raped.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:54 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • Sorry! So this grandfather is not exactly supportive of an adoption? He has a relationship with this child? I guess it all boils down to this biological mom not playing games with you. She can yank your chain over and over again. And she has someone taking care of her kid for her, willing to bail her out, and basically she doesn't have to take responsibility it sounds like. If this were me, as scary as it is, I would have to sit down with her and have legal papers at the ready. Sign. Period. She may never have any intention of terminating her parental rights. Just having someone available to support her child and bail her out. If she doesn't sign to terminate her rights and for you to take custody then you know it was never her intention. Do you really want to spend the next few years in fear she will take your child away? Or do you want to move one with your life - hopefully with this kid as your legal child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • We are in the middle of the adoption right now. She asked me to adopt her in February. That Monday we found a lawyer. So, I'm just worried about the grandfather. Can he stop it? She went to a lawyer and surrendered her rights 2 weeks ago. We're just waiting to go to court now. After the little girl was born I don't think he had to much conact with her or his dughter, because she told me that she lived in a bunch of "homes" with her. Like homeless shelters for teens and their babys. I'm just scared he takes her away now. I don't even know if he has any rights or whatever. Monday I'll call my lawyer but this will drive me crazy the rest of the weekend.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:24 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I've heard that grandparents cannot stop an adoption - unless maybe the girl is a minor?? But even then I believe she becomes emancipated once she becomes a mother, so it is still her decision. Hope that helps.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • if she signed away her rights then he hyas no rights. I wouldn't let him contact the kids unless you know more about the situation . if he wan't contact you can set up a po box for him to write to so he will not know where you are

    Answer by Lyndall at 9:16 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • that's a good idea about the po box. But she gave him my phone number... that's easy to trace! I hate to change it I have been having it since i was in the 10th grade. Everyone knows it! Oh well her safety comes. first... I am willing to send pics and things but I don't know about visits b/c the one time I seen him he seemed CREEPY! And My little girl had made it very clear she doesnt want to go back there. She's not a minor she's19 now, I look on a few website and i dont think they do not have rights but i wanna hear it from my lawyer lol...thank you guys!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 PM on Apr. 18, 2009