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I want to be closer to my 12 year old daughter, please help!

When I was going to school and my daughter was born, I had to send her away until 3. We now also have a 6 year old boy. I feel my daughter has never been very close to me. I just recently become a housewife and have lots of time. But I don't know how to get close to her. She is very independent and doing very well at school. At the same time, she doesn't communicate her feels much and rather keeps it to herself. I am very outgoing and shows how I feel. I want to be close to her but have been successful. Help! help! please help! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I don't believe it is too late for us and I am willing to try everything.

Answer Question
 
bindao63108

Asked by bindao63108 at 12:34 PM on Apr. 18, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • does she like to shop? if so then just the 2 of you should go and spend the day shopping! getting lunch etc! if you have tryed that and it didnt work then i would let her have her space! when she sees that you respect her and trust her she might come to you! or wait til her heart gets broken by a boy then shell come to you for help!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • Starting around this age, my mom started having a weekly "date" with me. Every Wednesday, after school, we would go to the mall. Mostly we window shopped, rarely actually buying anything, and we got a snack in the food court. It was nice to have some time with her all to myself - no brother, no dad, just the two of us.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 4:53 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • Find out what it is that she really enjoys doing. It might be shopping, photography, scrap-booking, crafting. Then plan some activities for just the two of you that centers around whatever her interests are. Make it a regular happening every week or two. Take her to lunch. Don't push her to talk. If she chooses to be quiet, let her be quiet. She will learn that you are interested in the things that interest her, and in time, she will be able to transfer that to your being interested in herself. It will very likely take some time. Those bonds are usually formed very early in life, but I don't think it's too late. Just make up your mind in advance to be very patient.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:43 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • Have you talked to her about how she feels that you had to leave her for a while? She could feel hurt that you had to. She may not understand the reasoning. Other than that, find out what she likes to do or start a scrapbook with her, use pics from her as a baby until now. It is a great way to work together and talk about her childhood. Sit down and go through pics and decide which ones to scrapbook, then take her to a scrapbook store and pick out an album, fun papers, stickers, etc to put the scrapbook together. Help her to journal the pages, tell her the story behind the pic. Good luck, she is at a difficult age.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:28 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I like the idea of getting involved with a project with her scrapbooking, cooking class or doing what SHE likes to do. I also suggest going to lunch. When you are forced to sit at a table together and have to wait for food...you have nothing else to do but talk. When your at home there are too many distractions and you probably busy preparing the food. I've had some of the best conversations with my kids over a restaurant table, Ask her about friends, her favorite things, her opinions about different things and LISTEN more than talk. She will like the idea that you value her opinion and will talk more if she thinks she is not being judged and her opinion is appreciated.  Also read everything you can about raising  and understanding teens http://www.cjkidz.com/parentsgrandparentsteachers.html

    momjs

    Answer by momjs at 1:28 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • I agree with getting involved in her interests, but don't force it or you could end up making her feel like you are prying. Ask her what she would like to do together, ask her to join you on errands, and basically give her lots of opportunities to spend time with you without forcing her. Give her the time and space she needs to open up to you on her own. Spend lots of time together and listen to what she has to say. The more you really listen and respect her opinions, the more she will open up to you and the closer you will become.
    jessradtke

    Answer by jessradtke at 2:01 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

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