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Between a rock and a hard place?

At this point and time I am seriously considering leaving. Emotionally I have had it; mentally I am exhausted; and spiritually I am sinking. DH and I are on the edge and I think I'm the one ready to jump. But the problem that I have is right now I am really in the infant stages of my career. I don't have the financial stability to start over. DH is further in his career and has less to lose in a divorce. In the event of a divorce I would be losing much more than him. I am affraid to make that move right now but I feel like I would be stringing him along if I stay until I get up where I'm comfortable and then go my way. I don't want to have to rebuild from scratch. What do you all think. Currently I'm waiting for a few things to come through that would mean more money and more leverage (I hate that its like this). Please be direct and don't hold back.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Apr. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • You're going to eventually have to tell him that you want a divorce anyway. Why not just tell him and then make an agreement that you can seperate but that the divorce won't be final until you can settle your finances. Regardless of how you feel now, you once had a special place in each others lives. Divorces can be civil and I'm sure he wants you to make sure you can take care of yourself.

    Many states require a legal seperation of a certain length of time before a divorce can be final anyway. Why not approach him about it now and use the seperation period to iron things out? This way you're not living with someone you don't love but you're not in the poor house either.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 2:45 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • My advice would be to try a counselor if you haven't already, in that kind of setting you can be completely honest with the added safety of a professional who can help both of you to understand where the other is coming from. If that's something that just won't work, then you have to be prepared to deal with everything that comes with leaving, whenever you decide to leave. Either way it won't be easy, but you just have to do what's right for you.
    heratyc

    Answer by heratyc at 2:47 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • Well, can you get an apartment with a friend? Eventually you'd have enough to move out on your own.
    prettyrayray

    Answer by prettyrayray at 2:49 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • It would help to know what is so terrible about the marriage. There are very few things that can't be worked out, if you are willing to try. There was something about this guy that made you think you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. What made you change your mind? The way you describe the situation makes it sound like it was a businss proposition that didn't quite turn out the way you thought it would. Marriage is so much more important than a business deal. It takes a lot of being willing to work together. Nobody should go into it expecting to have everything be delightful all the time. I hope you decide to stay and look for ways to make it work. Unless your husband is some kind of really bad dude and extremely dangerous, this could still be a great marriage.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:35 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • Thats the problem. We don't work together. He sees one way, I see another way and while we are arguing over what to do we are doing nothing. Its constantly like this in every situation. No middle ground. My way upsets him his way upsets me. When we compromise it usually means me backing down and going along with what he wants even though he says he doesn't get his way. Always a stale mate. Never any progress. I used to be very optomistic now my hope for our marriage is next to nill if not there already.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • So many marriages don't seem to last but the spouses can't afford to split so they remain in the house. My x and I lived together in our house for that reason. We had separate bedrooms and separate lives. We respected the other by not bringing a date home. We had our kids and all went well until I could afford to leave. People do it all the time.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:05 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

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