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What would you do?

Got a call last night from my dd's dad. He has a virus (not HIV) that he may die from. He is having other health complications because of poor health to begin with. My dd has only been able to see him once last summer. She is 8 1/2 yrs old. Do I tell her? I told him last night that if he gets worse he needs to let me know ASAP because she needs to see him again before he dies. He and I have always been friends and never a relationship. Our daughter is a result of a drunken one night stand.

What would you do?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:50 PM on Apr. 18, 2009 in Health

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • He is her father and I think they both have a right to see each other before he dies

    Answer by MommaandStepMom at 5:57 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • I wouldn't give her any details but tell her that he is sick & could die. I would allow her to see him to say good-bye. Put it this way, if you were dieing wouldn't you want to see your grand-children to visit you?  Wouldn't you be hurt if someone didn't allow them to come see you?  This is a good way to show/teach respect.


    Answer by CloverE at 2:54 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I am very sorry. Yes, you must tell her now. No drama. Just say that you have something serious to talk to her about and tell her that her father is very ill. Say that you don't know yet if he will live. She'll no doubt want to see him now. So if this is possible then arrange it. If it isn't possible then tell her why. Good luck with this. She may have only seen him once last summer, but he is her father, part of her, and she'll be uncertain and maybe even frightened. She may need extra hugs from you for reassurance that you are going to be there for her.

    Answer by Bmat at 2:57 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • You say "may die from", so I'm assuming death is not yet a foregone conclusion. I would sit her down and tell her that daddy has a very serious sickness. I'd tell her that he's very sick and we don't know what will happen, but that we need to all hope and pray (if you do that) that he will be ok. Let them see each other as much as they want. If it becomes clear that he will die, then I'd sit down again and tell her that things don't look very good, and that daddy is going to die, if you think she can handle it and still appreciate the time she spends with him with that knowledge. Otherwise, I'd just wait and when he dies, tell her. I would not bring up death until it is just a matter of time before it does happen. And I do hope, for all of you, that he gets better.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 2:59 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I would sit down with her and tell her that her dad either is or may be dying from what ever it is and answer any questions she may have.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • OP here - Here's the problem. We live a 7 hour drive apart. That's why she hasn't seen him. He has his own life and a family now. My dd knows him as her bio dad, so she calls him Erik. Her "dad" is my SO - the one that has been father to her for the past 3 yrs. She has been wanting to talk to him on the phone and he was going to call, but now, with this illness, he has not been able to talk. His throat is swollen almost shut and he's on a diet of liquids. He's been running a daily fever of 104-105 for the past 3 weeks. It just doesn't look good and I don't know if I should take her to see him now or wait a bit to see if he improves or not.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Apr. 18, 2009