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How do I tell my husband it's not his fault??

I went to a ultrasound appointment a couple weeks ago, and they were concerned because my baby's head was showing fluid on it. So my doctor said he will have me back in another 2 weeks for another ultrasound to see if it is anymore swollen. I went to the ultrasound appointment and they said that his head hadn't gotten any bigger, but you could still tell that there was water on his brain. They said that they would have to do surgery as soon as I delivered him, and that there is a very good possibility that he could be mentally handicapped. I came home and told my husband and he was really upset about it.... he just kept on asking my "WHY?" I didn't know how to really explain it, except telling him... things like this just happen. It's no one's fault. Now he is trying to blame himself, and I don't really know how to tell him "It's not your fault!!"

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purple_dinosaur

Asked by purple_dinosaur at 7:45 PM on Apr. 18, 2009 in Pregnancy

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I would definately research your situation, find out the possible reasons for this happening. He sounds very concerned and him blaming himself is probably a normal reaction. But please do some research, together if he wants too so that both of you know. Sorry if i'm not much help, but you all are in my prayers and I hope everything turns out ok.
    Marix3

    Answer by Marix3 at 7:48 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • Did they tell you it was Choroid Plexus Cyst? If so please don't stress yourself. They told me all those things you said and then more about my son (my 1st pregnancy) and he is now a healthy seven year old with none of those things mentioned that would or could happen. Of course it's no one's fault. I hope everything turns out OK with your baby.

    Christine0813

    Answer by Christine0813 at 7:49 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • To Christine they said my DD had that also and had to do all the blood work and it came out neg. That was at 20 weeks, by the time I hit 28 weeks it was gone. She is so smart and is turning 2 in June. Hang in there and tell your husbands it is noones fault. We went through the same thing and everything turned out just fine. I hope that it all works out for you. GL
    newmommy61207

    Answer by newmommy61207 at 7:56 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I would research on it, and maybe try to make him tell you why he feels it's his fault so that you can re affirm that in no way was it his fault.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:07 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • Are they talking about hydrocephalus? If so there is a LOT they can do about that now. I worked with several patients who did have to have tubes inserted that drained the fluid off, but they had zero problems with them and it was a procedure that saved their lives. They didn't know about it from the womb either...they were much older and weren't even properly diagnosed until long after they were born.

    Research it, and remember YOUR BODY KNOWS WHAT TO DO. They pushed my aunt to abort her baby because her baby was not developing properly...Scared her to death. They said "do it now" and then she sought a second opinion...the problem was there, but better...had another ultrasound a month later, it was even better...by the time the baby was born, she was FINE. 100% fine.

    The worst thing you can do is work yourself up. Trust nature and the ability of doctors on this one.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 8:14 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • God chooses how the baby will come out...not him..not you...
    its not his fault god wants your baby like this...who knows...maybe there will be a change...ANYTHING is possible and you never know, the ultrasound COULD be wrong...you never know...how would it be his fault anyway? he just gave u a sperm =P
    and his strongest sperm made that baby growing in your belly...obviously he did something right if out through all those sperm, that 1 sperm was better than the rest...you have the best baby growing in your belly right now... =D and he didnt give you a mentally challenged baby, he gave you THE WORLD =D tell him that <3
    MissKellee

    Answer by MissKellee at 9:08 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I first want to apologize for the results that you receive from the doctor but keep in mind that its not 100% positive not until birth can you really evaluate the problem. And there is no way that this could have been prevented there is nothing you could have done, and please let your husband know that. Take this time to prepare yourselves and hope for the best! I wish you and your family only best and Im praying that all goes well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

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