Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how do you deal - when you truly hate your inlaws?? all females. I try to be the bigger person, but...

i get the silent treatment. they make me feel so unwelcome. it is very sad. it even bothers my husband.... my family on the other hand adores my hubs. he is closer to them than his own family. how can i deal in the uncomfortable situation of being around the whole group of his family?? its like so many women against me for no reason. i am always bending over backwards to try to get them to "like" me....

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on Apr. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • dont bend over backwards there is no reason ESPECIALLY if hubby understand you are in the right. BE yourself and they dont like it oh well..you married your husband not his family. My hubbys family is like this to be as well and I am always so sweet and nice and thoughtful towards them and I never get thank yous or recognition for anything I do. Just dont fret it there is no need, focus on your marriage its self. GL
    Bugsmommy1908

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 10:46 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • let me tell u something...nothing in this world says u have to kiss ass...so, just let that b/s go...if they don't like u then there may be nothing you can do about it. my ex's fam n i NEVER got along...expecially me n his mom...i hate her to this day...okay, i don't hate, i just strongly dislike...lol
    seriously tho...it's not worth all the extra effort...have u maybe tried acting as if u don't like them? normally they wont change their minds unless u have something to offer...or they fake it because u have something they want. i would seriously...just dust my shoulders off and pretend like it don't matter to you...even if it kills you inside...like i said, not worth it!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • I have in-laws like that (MIL, 1 SIL, and a few others) I just keep smiling and if I end up in the same room with them I make myself busy. It used to really hurt my feelings but then I found out why they dislike me so much and it made me laugh (they think I'm 'high maintenance' because I wouldn't let 5 of them live with us in our 2 bedroom house and then we moved in with my parents to save money and move out of state and they say that for me to want to own a home and 'take away' DH from them makes me snotty I LAUGH!) My MIL and 1 SIL is the worst they are trying (have tried since before the wedding) to end our relationship by lying and all sorts of other extremes. & they are both 2 faced (real nice in front of DH) finally I pulled my MIl aside and told her "Look I love your son and I'm not going anywhere so either learn to like me or stay out of my way! I'm not playing your childish games anymore"
    theheartbaby

    Answer by theheartbaby at 10:53 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • they ARE suddenly nice when they need something. grrrrrrrrr.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • and p.s.-like bugs said...ur married to him...not his family, u don't have to like or even tolerate them...i would show as little intrest in them as possible...and it may help...regaurdless, it will def. get the point across!!!
    melissacoulter

    Answer by melissacoulter at 10:55 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • It was like that for me a couple years agp,my psycho MIL actually told my husband to choose between her and me and well he made the right decision,we havent talked to his family in 2 years and I have to say he is such a better man now that he doesnt have to deal with his alcoholic father and his possesive step mom.
    JonahsMom1107

    Answer by JonahsMom1107 at 11:03 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • See my mom says that when you marry someone you marry their family too. (You are kinda stuck with them but I see what you mean about not having to like or talk to them) I agree with the 'ignore them' approach. If you just say forget it and don't try anymore they will notice esp if you've been fighting for their recognition this long. When you are somewhere with them just *eh* and dont pay any attention to them. They will either be intrigued as to what suddenly changed or you will have more time to relax as you do nothing for them and just sit back and... do what you want (read a book, pay with your phone, etc.) Good ideas ladies...
    theheartbaby

    Answer by theheartbaby at 11:16 PM on Apr. 18, 2009

  • My inlaws hate me too, but for different reasons. They hate me cause I dont keep my mouth shut, I tell it like it is, and I'm blunt, and they know they can't walk all over me. I have just learned to live with it.
    BIMOM21

    Answer by BIMOM21 at 1:03 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • What every happened to old fashioned family values. When you actually knew the guy and knew his family before you got into a relationship with him. And if either family wasn't happy with the choice it didn't go passed hello.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:53 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • Has your husband talked to his mom/family and let them know he does not like how they treat you? Are you a crafter? I have an Aunt that is a knitter, and every holiday she has her knitting with- she does that while we all talk. She likes to keep her fingers busy, and we all enjoy talking to her about her latest project. If you had a craft/hobby to take along it would keep you busy - and if you appear to be busy and 'ignoring' them they may just get the hint that you could care less about them and their attitude. Good luck!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:45 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.