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When to give advice/shut up with a fellow first-time preggo mom?

A friend of mine is pregnant at the same time I am. She seems to be making a lot of choices that could adversely affect her baby, like taking OTC medecines and even tylenol 3 that was not prescribed to her. She whines about everything, which, to a certain extent is OK and expected, but refuses to take advice from anyone. For example, she will complain about not being able to tolerate her vitamins and tells us she'd simply decided not to take them. We (my girlfriends and I) will suggest things that helped us (take them with milk, at night, or try just taking a couple Flinstones instead of the prescription ones) and she interrupts and interjects with how sensitive her stomach is or some other reason our ideas wouldn't be good for her. Frankly, I feel like if she wants to be a martyr she needs to suffer in silence... if she really wanted our advice she would listen. How do I dismiss her complaints? What can I say? Any advice?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:04 AM on Apr. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Well if I was you I would just keep doing the best you can to try and help HER BABY since apparently SHE won't accept any help for herself. Ultimately she's going to do what she wants but at least if something does go wrong you will know that you tried your best to help her and give her good advice and it was her own fault for not heeding it. The next time she tries to blow off something you think might help her just say "okay well I tried." I know no one likes to be the one to say I told you so but maybe if you let her know that some of the things she is doing can seriously harm her baby you might say something like "alright well if something goes wrong I'm not going to say I told you so but I'll be thinking it." Sometimes tough love is the best love...especially with stubbornheads.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 12:08 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • i agree she should suffer in silence sounds like she is over dramatizing the preggo thing for sympathy. The tylenol 3 can hurt the baby if she takes to much, but I was prescribed it during pregnancy and it did no harm however I don't agree she should take them if there not her script. They ony get prescribed for serious pain I got them after a car accident and only took them when I couldn't move due to pain. The vitamin thing was hard for me to they can prescribe a lower dose, I also had an issue remembering I hardly took them with my first, and got a lot of UTI with hurt enough not pregnant w/ pregnancy it is simply dreadful. Since she is your friend I would say voice your concerns in a loving sensitive way If she were a stranger I would say to stay out of it. But a friend has a right to be concerned

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 12:17 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • Maybe start getting her facts about what these things could do to her baby. How her child could have an improperly formed spinal cord and brain because she isnt taking the folic acid in her prenatal vitamins. Tell her to buy a bag of straws and SUCK IT UP! That being pregnant isnt about her, its about her baby. Tell her to research her that she needs to talk to her doctor before she does something that could hurt the baby.
    Ash is right though, no one likes being told what to do. If she continues to not listen to the good advice of others tell her that you are pregnant too so you know how it feels, but you are still doing what is best for your baby. Then tell her what ash said "I will most definately be thinking I TOLD YOU SO when something goes wrong" You could add to that "..when something goes wrong because of your stubborness, or stupidity, or even selfishness"

    Answer by HunnysFarAway at 12:22 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • Yeah she has her boyfriend find them for her because her head hurts.... she told me that her doctor said that was OK. Uh, no, I'm not buying it!! Why would your doctor approve of illegally taking someone else's prescription medication, and for a HEADACHE?

    She's a friend, but not a close one. All she wants to talk about is pregnancy and I do think she's more thinking about what it all means for HER rather than what she is doing for the little life in her.

    Hmm.. anyway. Thanks.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • She has a very sensitive system, and doesn't want to try childrens cheweable vitamins. But she take tylenol 3? You can't make her take advise. The sad part is, if her child is born with disabilities, she might be angry that you didn't tell her these things would affect the baby. She might be angry that your's was born without disabilities. I don't think there is really anything you can do. If you still want to try to give advise, don't let her interrupt. These things you are talking about are very serious. I feel sorry for her baby.

    Answer by Buffie95 at 10:29 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

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