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I don't know what to do

So my little brother ran away when he was 18 and got married. When his wife got pregnant he went into the air force. Now hes divorced, he has the money sent to my moms bank account each month and I mail it out. His ex wife hates my mom and me so much, for reasons unknown that we can't see my niece. My mom has bailed him out so much. He owes her over $1500. The only time he calls is when he needs something or when he is fighting w/ his girlfriend. We have not seen my brother in over 4 years. He could have came back for my daughters 1st birthday but he flew from NM to Germany to see his girlfriend for her birthday. He hasn't called in over 3 months. I'm upset w/him. He is now in Iraq and he calls his girlfriend all of the time but NEVER calls home. My mom lives w/ us and I know she is hurting b/c she never hears from him and feels like shes being used. I'm about to give up on having a relationship w/ him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:36 AM on Apr. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • My bro does that from time to time. He's been overseas for four years now. He's got a five year old and he's separated from his wife (too lazy to get a divorce). I think the longest we went without talking to him was about three or four months. He's running around with these girls over in Korea now. It's pretty sad but we haven't given up on him. He's family. He owes my Uncle hundreds of dollars because he crashed a rental car in my uncle's name. My uncle won't talk to my dad and vice versa now. It's a mess!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • This happens, but there is no excuse, with things like this you have to love them from a distance. You can get emotional tried, and that can be hard a persons body. Even though it may hurt, I would live him alone for a while, when calls make small talk, don't ask much, make it short and sweet with him, sooner or later he will come around. That is what I had to do with my brother, he did the same thing to me and my mom. We had to just leave him alone, it hurt, because we did so much from him and he did nothing for us, he put his friends before after all we did for him.

    But now, he is apologize every chance he gets, to me and my mom. He is new person all because we had to left him alone, all most in a pushing him away thing. Trust me he will come around when he notice the ones that really love are not so close.

    Hope things get better.
    Blesstravelmom

    Answer by Blesstravelmom at 1:03 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • Sounds like he is under a lot of strain and stress from trying to grow up way too fast. I don't know the family dynamics involved, but his attention being drawn to his girlfriend has nothing to do with how he feels about you and the rest of the family. It's unfair for you to compare the two. "He saw his girlfriend for her birthday, but didn't see my daughter for her birthday". Seriously? I think that is a little petty. I'm sure your 1 yr old isn't giving him the support and comfort that his girlfriend is giving him, to help him get through all he has to endure over in Iraq.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 2:22 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • Your Mom has to put her foot down and stop letting him use her, and so do you.Why should you mail out anything for him if he is so unappreciative? You guys need to let him grow up and learn to be an adult. You are hurting him now more than helping him.I know its hard to do, but tough love is whats needed now and only you can do it. I know he is in Iraq, and I know he has a hard time, but, he needs to grow up now and be a man. If you keep doing for him, he will never grow up.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 7:47 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • He's a grown man. He makes his own choices. Most grown men would choose a girlfriend over family bc family they are confident family will always be there. They just get busy with their life. I'm sure he thinks he loves his gf. I can see him going to visit her over visiting a niece's first birthday. He's trying to build a relationship with this girlfriend plus the child won't remember him being there when she grows up anyway. I'm a mom of an adult male. He has his life. I don't complain about him not calling me or my two adult daughters. He certainly would not come to a birthday party of a niece or nephew. He'd laugh at the thought of even being invited. If it's that hard on y'all then make sure he has a computer over in iraq and send him emails. That's what we do with my dd's bf. He's just a BIT preoccupied with a war thing but he does manage to find time to email and let us know he is alright.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:30 AM on Apr. 19, 2009

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