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how can i get my parents to back off my parenting?

i have recently moved into my parents home durring my dirty divorce to releive some of the stress of parenting 3 young kids but they have over stepped their boundries by not disiplineing them when they act up and it is making them not listen to me when i try to disipline them. how can i tell them this without offending them?

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hailey3

Asked by hailey3 at 5:27 PM on Apr. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • Ask for a family meeting with your parents and yourself for ideas on your kids being responsible and respectful, don't focus on complaints against your parents. They're being great having you there remember. But if they did it to help you with more than a roof over your head then it'd be great to work out behavior issues.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:38 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • Sit down and talk to them about it. You are all adults. If you all can sit down, and you can write down rules for the kids and all come to an agreement on how discipline is to be handled.. that should hlep.

    I can understand your situation. I am living with an older couple right now. I have 4 kids. My hsuband will be joining us in a month or so, but in the mean time, we have had to be very open and communicate exactly what the kids's rules and boundries are, and how exactly disicipline is to be carried out. So far, I am very fortunet and this has worked out very well. Good luck.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 5:40 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • FIRST OF ALL THE BAD MISTAKE WAS MOVING IN WITH YOUR PARENTS... U KNOW THERE RULES LIKE OURS IF LIVE UNDER MY ROOF U APPLY BY THERE RULES.. MAYBE TELL THEM U THE MOTHER AND U RAISE THEM NOT THEM... OR MOVE OUT SOMEWHERE'S ELSE. I WOULD NEVER MOVE IN WITH MY PARENTS ONLY ITS THE LAST PLACE TO GO.. FAMILY ALWAYS IN YOUR BUSY DOES NOT MIX WELL.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • maybe they don't discipline becuase they figure it's your job, not theirs, and it's offfend you if they did it.

    Maybe they will agree to tell you about infractions so you can handle them.
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 6:20 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • It really isn't their job to discipline YOUR kids. I would be severely pissed if my parents or ILs disciplined my kids w/o me knowing. My MIL isn't around my kids alone anymore because she spanked my daughter for no reason. SO, you moved in with them go by their rules.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 6:32 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • It helps to be up front with them in an adult manner without being confrontational or blaming. Let them know that you would appreciate them taking part in disciplining your children when they are grossly out-of-line and then make suggestions as to certain things that work best with your children. Don't expect your parents to discipline all the time the children are in their care because they are just their grandparents and it is not their duty to raise them. Also, if they begin to routinely discipline, then the children will obey them more than you, which will cause further problems.
    If your children are old enough to understand, sit them down and tell them what the rules are and what the punishments are going to be. Let them know that they are not going to get away with bad behavior anymore nor disrespect you.
    I would advise finding a home for you and your children soon so that you can establish your new family unit.
    PrydferthMenyw

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 6:36 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • Sit them down and talk it over. Tell them how you feel and what you would like to see done.
    Remind them that you appreciate their help during your struggle but there are still things that must be maintained,etc.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 6:59 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • I lived with my parents and son until he was 8 yrs old and had the same problems. I just told my parents that my son is my child and when I punish him they need to respect my decisions as a parent and to not contradict me. It took a while but they finally saw things my way. Work on getting your own place as soon as possible.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:47 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • You know, my mom would discipline my children if they acted up, so I do agree if you live with your parents and your children are there your parents should hold some support, first I would wonder though why you're not watching your children or stepping in to discipline before your parents had any chance.... when my children act up while visiting my mom and I'm there then I do the disciplining because I'm their parent, I'm there.  However assuming you're referring to moments when you're gone and such you should talk to your parents and let them know they are welcome to discipline your children as you were as a child, or at the least tell you.  I can't still figure out however why your parent's lack of discipline can cause your children to not respect you... My children don't get disciplined by my in-laws ever and wouldn't dare to ever disrespect me no matter who they were around... I just don't do disrespect.

    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 8:20 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • I think the first thing you need to keep in mind is, they're your children s grandparents. By this I mean, they are naturally going to spoil them and let them get away with more. My 3 yr old son is always wanting to spend time with my MIL, and they teach him bad habits (like how to moon!) I haven't had to say anything to them about anything lately because he's been wanting to stay at home more often. I agree with the other answers of having a sit down talk with them. Explain to them that you're having a difficult time and if they could help by not being so lenient towards the kids that would be great. Or, if the kids are acting up and you are home, let you know. Assign an area for the kids as a time out, like a time out rug. Hope you find a solution!
    tiffanyderr10

    Answer by tiffanyderr10 at 11:53 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

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