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ignore MIL or tell her how I feel

My MIL has issues with me and I dont know what. I know she has just tolerated me for 5 years and holds a grudge because I took her 39 year old son. He was living with her splitting the bills and all that until I came along. Now here lately she smarts off at me give rude remarks and all that good stuff. I have been nothing but good to her. I never say mean things to her because I dont want problems but im at the point that I just dont care anymore. My hubby says ignore her but after so much bull$*#! its hard. She thinks her son is the sunrise and sunset and he never does anything wrong. We live very close to her and when she comes to the house she doesnt bother to knock until she opens the door and looks in good thing were never being intimate but if we was as nosey as she is she would probaly watch. She tells me how to disipline my kids & she only stepgrandmother. Im just sick of her attitude here lately. should I ignore her

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heavenlypeace

Asked by heavenlypeace at 5:51 PM on Apr. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (37 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I would give it another month. It may be a phase she is going though (yes adults go through them too!). If, after a month, you still feel that she is acting this way, I would talk to her when your DH is not home.

    Simply ask her is you have done something to offend her or make her mad, and if/when she says no and asks why, let her know that for the past few months you have felt like something was wrong between you two. She may not realize she is doing it, and it may put her in check without being rude.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 5:55 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • I think you should change your locks, tell hubby they're being changed and give him the keys. And tell him if his mom comes over again and walks in he'll pay for his hotel and a divorce or your hotel and divorce, his choice. Tell mom too. If she comes over again and walks in tell her she's staying and can have her son or you or husband's leaving and divorceing because of her. Make it her choice. You're allowed to set boundaries. Your marriage your kids before her grandkids. When I set boundaries with my own mother and stick to them we get along good.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:56 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • she is 74 years old I think she may be going looney thats why Im trying not to say anything right now but it is hard
    heavenlypeace

    Answer by heavenlypeace at 5:59 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • Even your own husband is telling you to ignore her she is the one with the problem it seems like every one is living their lives but her maybe she feels lonely and sad and vengful.
    Don't let her get to you just continue to be the sweet daughter in law that you are and ignore her say yes my dear MIL whatever you say my dear MIL just go with it never let her see you sweat maybe that is why she is this way bc you are not responding to her childish way. Just be yourself for you and your hubby and especially the kids. Don't ever change for no one especially when they are the ones with the problem. GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 5:59 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • Wow, she sounds like a very difficult person to get along with. Has your husband talked to her about her rude behavior and how the 2 of you do not like it? (maybe if he said he did not like it she would make an effort to be more civil). I applaud your effort to be nice and not sink to her level. As for the door hubby should tell her to knock- not just walk in and it might be a good idea to keep the doors locked. As for the kids, maybe smile and say "thank you for your advice, but I prefer to handle MY kids MY way". Good luck I hope things get better!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 6:01 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • My husband has talked to her but she always changes the subject or makes up lame excuses then dont talk to us for a while. I have noticed here lately that she only calls his cell phone now and not the house phone.
    heavenlypeace

    Answer by heavenlypeace at 6:05 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • she's been displaced. Being old and lonely sucks. She's a lost pup and doesn't know how to fit in. Feel sorry for her. When she tries to give advise just thank her for her suggestion. If you use her idea then fine, it not tell her that you appreciate her idea but you'd like to try it your way. That's being assertive without being hurtful. She'll catch on. She'll find her place soon and settle down.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:29 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • My MIL was difficult, too. I gave up trying to deal with her and just let her do her thing, letting it roll off my back as much as I could. It was a real trial. Don't change the locks, that would just cause more flare up. Continue being your sweet self and practise relaxing breathing. Don't be intimate near where the doors are. LOL! Put bells on the doors, by the way, so you know when she is coming into the house. I bought some big jingle bells at a crafts show, but some kind of noise maker. When she was young, it was probably accepted practise to walk into a family member's house without knocking, and it wouldn't be a good thing to try to get her to change.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 6:46 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • your husband needs to have a talk with his mother and set her some ground rules. Like knock before entering, only kind words. He can say to his mom HE noticed she makes rude remarks to you and ask her why.  Invite her out to lunch, be kind to her have your husband spend some alone time with his mom. 

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 7:33 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

  • will I can not say t much about this but I know how you feel about everything cause not he back with his babyma (that is the name I gave her) I do nt like her and wil never like her that how I know it was time for me to move on. At the time I was doing everything with no help and now that he is not here no more it feel so funny. I do miss him but it's for the best. The bad thing is I'm 25 weeks now and when his babyma find out she told him do not let me keep it so now that I'm going to have the baby soon and I am all bg she be trying to call me but I just do not pick up. BUT HUBBY IS NOT HERE NO MORE CAUSE OF HIS BABY MA ALL IN THE KOOl-AID.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Apr. 19, 2009

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