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did anyone else feel this way or am i just that horrible of a person???

After a difficult pregnancy I had a difficult labor and delivery, I got an epi (with the button) cause i couldnt handle the pain, I was wary of doing this because all the risks, but i wanted to be a more pleasent experience than what i had been going through so after enduring that, they ended up taking the button away so i could push "more efficiently". I had a very rude midwife that didnt listen to anything i wanted and forced me to do it her way. all in all the whole experience sucked this time around (with my first it went very smoothly and almost pain free) they didnt do an episiotmy (sp?) and i ended up with almost 26 stiches all the way down, up both sides and some inside. When he was finally born, i was so distraught and hurting that i didnt even look at him.... i didnt even want to hold him...... when they asked if i wanted to feed him i almost cringed and i told them no. I was so angry and it was all ..... cont...

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Asked by mrs.cooley at 12:59 AM on Apr. 20, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (4)
  • directed toward him. I wanted to love him but he hurt me so bad... i knew it was irrational and it wasnt his fault. I didnt end up holding him till the next day when my husband made me. I instantly fell in love... but still had some anger and inadequacy issues. I felt that because i was angry with an innocent child that i didnt deserve to be his mother or take care of him.... i didnt feed him or even change his diaper till he was 4 days old... all i did was cry and sit in self pity. Now I dont feel any of that, I realize how rediculus and selfish i was being and i try every day to make it up to him and to let him know that im sorry and i love him...... has anyone else been through this or felt this way or am i just that awful.... what reason would there have been for those feelings?? sorry so long just needed to get that off my chest

    Answer by mrs.cooley at 1:04 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • sounds like PPD...glad you got over it though.

    Answer by GreekMama28 at 1:06 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • It's okay to feel that way. There are times when I feel like a horrible mom too. When I got pregnant this time around, I found out that my baby might have a birth defect because of a medicine that I was on when I got pregnant with her. All of the tests have come back fine, but sometimes I feel like I don't know if I can handle her and I'm actually scared to have her. I love her brother, who is two, but sometimes I feel like I'm too young to be a mom. I don't feel resentment towards him, but sometimes I get frustrated when I hear all my friends talking about all the fun things they've done, and I no longer get to. In the end, you'll love him. I think every mom feels overwhelmed sometimes (espescially after all the pain and the trauma to your body you've just had). If you feel like you're horrible, that means you feel guilty, that's all. That means you love your kid. The pain will pass, and it will get better. Chin up!

    Answer by ajguinn at 1:07 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • O.K. You are beating yourself up because you had a horrible birth experience, you were in major pain and your hormones are all out of whack. You say the moment you held your baby you fell in love. Sounds like a normal reaction to the trama of your experience with giving birth. Give yourself a break. What matters now is not what you felt 24-48 hours after birth or even longer but what you do for the rest of the 18-20 years this little baby will be in your care. I would actually be more worried if you didn't care, if you blew off those feelings. You obviously love your baby.

    Now the best thing you can do is to take care of you so you can take care of him and the rest of your family. Ask for help from anyone who offers. If you are still depressed or angry talk to your doctor there are things that can help.


    Answer by teamquinn at 1:21 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

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