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Taking my kids and leaving my husband...

I'm considering ending my marriage. The way my husband is, I cannot share my plans with him, when I'm ready I'll just have to go. (He's not abusive, just incredibly stubborn, childsh and unreasonable. He would sabotage my attempt if he knew what I was planning.) I'm may have an opportunity to move about a 1000 miles away, do I leave while I'm still married and let him take me to court for custody of the kids? Can I do that? He'll never let me take them that far voluntarily, but I heard that I can because at present there's no court order governing us. I just want to try and make the best life I can for my kids.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:11 AM on Apr. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • ohh i feel for you!! on one hand i say go for it, leave, deal with it after the fact..thats what i wish i woulda done, although i wasnt married, or anything, i just wish i had moved far away before i went after my ex for child support...on the other hand, thats grounds for kidnapping if you just get up and go. and wdhat will your children think..i mean especially since you said he is a good father, why would you do that to you children, they come first you gotta think whats best for them, they might not like being that far away from their daddy, and in the future, that could come back and bite ya in the ass..an as for getting court orders..please try your best to avoid the court system...i have to deal with it, and it frickin sucks!!! ya i get your husband drives you crazy, bu fo the sake of your kids, i beg you to try and settle this outside of court..if i could go back in time and not have gone thru the courts i would!!!!!!
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 3:58 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • You'd better find out the laws in your state. You don't want to be brought out on kidnapping charges because you didnt inform him and you werent being abused at all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • I agree. I would find out the laws in your state. I'm sorry to hear this. In my state if you are still married and not being abused it would be kidnapping if you didn't notify the spouse. On the other hand, if you are being abused and have children together, you and the children can go to a battered womens shelter that will take in both you and the children until a court ordered custody hearing. Good luck with this, I'll keep you in my prayers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • YOu need to think about how it would effect your kids. If he loves them and wants to be in their life then you should not try to stop him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Just because you want to end it...don't mean your kids want to... Your kids need their father... maybe you need counseling?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • How cruel. You want out that is fine but you need to be a woman about it and get a divorce. You need to make sure your children are near their father. I hate women who do this and act like dad is expendable. Men love thier kids too. I wish I could tell him your plans. I feel really sorry for your kids.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • what is it that makes you really want to leave him? I understand sometimes things are just unfixable. But could you share a little more?
    susan6xblessed

    Answer by susan6xblessed at 2:41 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • I'm the OP - let me clarify, I would never keep him away from the kids. I have every intention of telling him where I'm going to be living and working out a balanced visitation plan. I just want to be able to relocate and I'm not going to tell him I'm planning to leave him (whether I move 1000 miles or 1 mile) until I'm ready to do it. He's a WONDERFUL father, just not a wonderful husband. I've tried to love him for 8 years and I can't. He is depressing, opressing, childish and unmotivated. He does not like anything about me that makes me ME. He hates my music, my tv shows, my friends, my clothes, my hair, my car, my family, etc... I tried to suck it up and just live with him and lay low, but I'm miserable. I tried to change myself for years to be what he wanted and he hated that too! I can't do this anymore. It's not just me, his own friends get depressed hanging out with him!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • OP again - I have a very dear friend looking for a roommate and she wants to move to new location. It's a wonderul opportunity - good jobs, affordable housing, etc. Where I live now, it would be hard to make it. I want to be able to move myself and my children there because that's where I have the best chance of making a wonderful life for us. If we go to court first, I know he'd never agree to it. I was just wondering what if I just do it and we sort it out during the divorce. I am able to make certain my children would be able to travel frequently to visit their father and I would encourage a strong relationship between them and him. I also plan to let him have everything - the house, cars, etc.

    To you women who bashed me for this, I sincerely hope you never find yourselves in such a situation. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, I've been just sick to my stomach ever since I made the decision to leave.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • I'm not intending a bash or any thing of the sort. However I don't understand my hubby hates every thing about me, but He loves me. Who wants to be with a twin. Thats boring but if you can't take it just make sure your kids understand it's not there fault I'm sorry I can't help you more GOOD LUCK!!!
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 4:07 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

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