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Religious Funnys...

I try not to get on here (this section R & B) on Sundays bc of all of the "Turn your ways or else" posts that pop up. So Sad at times.
So I thought to lighten the air up around here we could all share a Religious Funny,something Funny that may have been said, done or seen in the form of Religion...

So I will start off:

As most here know I am a Pagan-Witch (yesss shrrrr it's the "W" word) and my dh is non practicing Lutheran
Yesterday while checking his e-mail he came across an offer that was sent to him(junk mail)
"HURRY" get your Minstry license in less than a yr.... he was crackin up... I asked him what was so funny...
I'zzz becomin a Preacherman "Hallieljah & Aman" ... me with a big "UH" looking at him, he told me about the e-mail and I started laughing... he says then "What a Church we would have, me as Preacherman with my lovely Witchy wife at my side" I lost it bc I can only pic it...

 
gmasboy

Asked by gmasboy at 8:44 AM on Apr. 20, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 25 (22,677 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you."

    The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.

    With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Well, im an athiest but i'm also a goth. I was walking through my city centre and we sometimes have preachers standing in the middle of a busy walk way with a microphone yelling about god and shit. Anyway, asi and some of myfriends walked past he pointed at me and yelled

    "You are dressed like the devil! BUT jesus still loves you..." And continued from there we all looked at each other and just laughed. It was very funny.

    Everyone hates those guys. They wave the bible around non-stop. It more annoying then anything.
    mum-to-be-at-18

    Answer by mum-to-be-at-18 at 10:26 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Back when I was a kid and I actually went to church, we had a pastor who would get really excited when he preached. Well, one day he got so excited that he apparently forgot there was a small railing in front of the little stand he stood behind. He came around the stand real fast and ran into the railing. He went head over heels over that thing and the whole church started to laugh. He was fine and laughed about it later.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 10:31 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • mum-to-be, sounds like Harvard Square in Cambridge, MA. There was the nightly preacher telling us we are all going to hell! And the Goth's would stand there & make fun of him (they weren't mean, just being sarcastic & stuff). Wish i had it on video, very entertaining!

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:32 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THECHRISTIAN WAY
    How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

    Charismatic : Only 1
    Hands are already in the air.
    Pentecostal : 10
    One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
    Presbyterians : None
    Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
    Roman Catholic: None - Candles only..
    Baptists : At least 15.
    One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
    Episcopalians: 3
    One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
    Mormons : 5
    One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
    (Continued)
    jennijune_21

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 11:07 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Unitarians :
    We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
    Methodists : Undetermined
    Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
    Nazarene : 6
    One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
    Lutherans : None
    Lutherans don't believe in change.
    Amish :
    What's a light bulb?
    jennijune_21

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 11:07 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • ^^^^^^^
    That was an email I got from my Methodist mother. I had to laugh b/c of how true it is!! :-)
    jennijune_21

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 11:08 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • HAHAHA those were great, thanks ladies.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 11:43 AM on Apr. 20, 2009


  • There were these two priests who rode bikes to church every Sunday. Well one day one of the priests showed up to work without his bike. The other priest asked where his bike was so the first priest said, "I don't know, but I think it got stolen!"

    The other priest said, "Well what you do is read off the Ten Commandments, and when you get to "Thou shall not steal" someone will confess to the crime."

    The next time the two saw each other the priest had his bicycle back. "I see you got your bike back! Did you do what I said?" the one priest said.

    The other said, "Well kind of, when I was reading the commandments and I got to Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery, I seemed to remember where I had left it."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • laughingAnons...

    gmasboy

    Answer by gmasboy at 12:08 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

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