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How do i make my baby understand I its ok to not carry him 24/7

I'm a first time mom and since day one i've always carried my baby around. My dh,family and friends all warned me that will just bring problems in the future. Although we all agree is perfectly fine to carry your baby etc but not 24/7. Now he is 5 mnths old and its difficult on me and my dh because our baby will cry if he is put down. Now i wish i listen lol any tips out there for me. thanks

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Asked by vteck at 11:02 AM on Apr. 20, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (21)
  • I'm pretty sure your baby is fine. You're supposed to hold them a lot when they are under 1.

    Answer by prettyrayray at 11:05 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • At this point, so long as you know there is nothing wrong with him, let him cry. It only takes about a week for them to realize that they are OK.

    There is a 9 month old at my daughters daycare that screams like you are killing him the second you put him down. You don't want that...

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 11:05 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Been there, done that. My daughter was the type of baby that screamed when she was put down. She got over it. I would put her on a colorful mat, with lots of toys around, drawing her attention away from me. But she was also crawling at taht age lol

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:07 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • You were right not to listen to people... you can't spoil a tiny baby. Get a sling or comfortable carrier, you can still carry him a lot of the time and get things done. And little by little now that he's 5 months, you can give him some time on the floor, in a seat, etc. Spend some time interacting with him while he's in his own space, he should start to enjoy it more. They really start liking their space when they get more control of their bodies and can move around. But it's still important for him to feel you're there for him... If your really need to do something you can't do while holding him, and he's crying but all his needs are met, it's ok to leave him for a few moments. This is not to say, "let him scream, it's good for him!" but I don't believe that at all, but rather, he won't be harmed if you don't carry him to the bathroom with you...

    Answer by EmilySusan at 11:21 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • It IS ok to hold them all day. Get a sling. Carrying or wearing your baby has zero negatives and plenty of benefits. A 5 month old doesn't understand that that he "needs" to be away from his parents because he doesn't. He'll spend more time on his own when he's older and more mobile. But there's no rush. Rushing has actually been proven to be harmful. So if you're going to "teach" him anything, teach him that he can rely on and trust you. He'll have the security to be alone if you develop it now.

    Answer by jus1jess at 11:22 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • I held my son all the time before he started crawling/walking at 9 mos. Ever since then, I can't keep up with him! So cherish these separation anxiety moments cuz once they're over, that's it. LOL.

    Answer by HUmama at 11:31 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • i dont care what others say. if you dont break the habit now it will just get worse. when happens when/if you have to put him in daycare? they wont hold him all the time. try putting him on the floor with lots of toys and books to keep him intertained. or get him a walker/exersauser with lots of toys. and fun things to do. trust me. you dont want a one or two year old who wants to be held all day long. you need to teach him how to be more independant. if it comes down to it just let him cry it out. its harder than you think to just let him cry i know. If your not comfortable just stoping cold turkey try weanin him off slowly, start with putin him on the floor with toy and gettin down and playin with him. then try leavin him with toys while you sit in a chair close by. then not in the room at all. hope this helps.

    Answer by stephmiester87 at 11:41 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Stop holding him cold turkey? That's funny. Just because your baby isn't totally ready now to hang out without you doesn't mean that will still be the case when he or she is in daycare (if you're even doing daycare). I'm not so hardcore of an attachment parenter that I believe you have to hold your baby 100% of the time or that you're a bad mom if you so much as know what your baby's cry sounds like, but you don't need to leave him alone just for the sake of getting him to learn to be left alone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Jeez stephmeister, that's pretty extreme. At 5 months old, they get clingy and need reassurance. The toys were great suggestions, but if the kid is bored with them and starts crying and wants to be picked up, what's the harm in that? They learn independence on their own time table, you don't have to force it. Now if crying it out worked for you that's fine, but don't assume that if you hold your baby a lot they will turn into whiny brats. Especially since there's plenty of kids who didn't get held a lot and they cry and beg to be held at age 2.

    Answer by HUmama at 11:58 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Keep on holding him. :) If you just wait it out, once he starts crawling he won't want anything to do with being held. I held my son constantly, wore him in a baby carrier, picked him up whenever he cried, ate with him on my lap, co-slept, and when he started crawling at 9 months old he became horribly bored with me and became the most independent little creature ever. This is normal.

    Babies are meant to be held. Enjoy it while he's still small. Clinginess isn't created by holding or responding to him when he cries, it's created by NOT responding to him when he cries, or by being erratic in your response.

    Read up on attachment parenting, and tell the nay-sayers to leave you alone. :p You're doing what your instinct said to do, and it's just fine.

    Answer by Gruntlings at 12:02 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

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