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How do I deal with my controlling mother in law?

My life is like the show "Everybody Loves Raymond". My MIL is just like "Marie. She comes into our home & unplugs my air fresheners (even the one in our bedroom-when the door was closed). I feel that she does not respect our privacy or decisions we make as a married couple. My DH has talked to her several times about knocking before walking into our house (she never calls 1st). But, she always wants to control SOMETHING in our home. We have a 6 yr old DS & 6 mo DD. I posted a note over the doorbell that reads "Do Not Ring Bell-Baby Sleeping". My MIL wrote "PLEASE" with a permanent marker on the wall above my note. I am tired of always being told & feeling like I am not a good enough wife for her son or a good enough mother for her grandkids. I do the best I know how everyday. When I try to tell her how I feel, she gets mad, storms out & calls my hubby at work crying (I'm sure it's a show) telling him I'm mean & ungrateful.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Apr. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • You answered your own question. You are doing the best you know how. Why not just listen to her. She probably has some good ideas. Don't be so stubborn and appreciate the relationship your husband has with his mother.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • this is why I am SOOO glad I dont live by my mother in law. She wasnt a great mom to my husband but LOVES to be in the middle of us. Thinking that she knows what is best. She asked my what is wrong when she calls and I am not in a good mood (mainly because SHE CALLED but really because my so and I got into an arguement) so I tell her "if it was any of your business I would let you know." I have said the exact same thing to my mother. They want me to gossip with them about what is going on with me and my husband.. sorry I dont do that. My tip: you have young children anyway, keep all of your doors locked, then she has to knock! And always have a bag packed so that when she comes over and you dont feel like dealing with her you can say "sorry but I was JUST about to leave"
    HunnysFarAway

    Answer by HunnysFarAway at 11:31 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Living by your MIL is a horrible thing! I know! Try calling her "Marie" next time she meddles, when she asks why, tell her "oh you just reminded me of Marie on Everybody love Raymond", maybe she will get the hint!
    kylie4

    Answer by kylie4 at 11:50 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Sit her down and tell her your issues--with your husband there to back you up. If she doesn't listen, then get mad and say you'll give her rules for visiting if she can't give you some respect and privacy. Sometimes they just need to be put in their place!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Does she have a key to your home? If so change the locks NOW. If she doesn't have a key, keep the door locked - she can't come in if the door is locked - just because she is at your door doesn't mean you need to let her in. IF she calls, you don't have to answer. You need to talk to your DH let him know how you feel - what does DH say when MIL calls him at work and cries about you being so "mean" to her? Does he see how overbearing and controlling she is too? DH needs to talk w/MIL set up some boundaries - and consequences when she crosses those boundaries - the key is to ENFORCE the boundaries. If MIL feels the need to control something - tell her to control her OWN life and let you/DH control /live yours. Sounds like MIL needs to cut the apron strings.


    Check this group out www.cafemom.com/group/32665. These ladies give STELLAR advice - most have overbearing control freak MIL's like yours!

    Fooph121780

    Answer by Fooph121780 at 12:09 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • The first ANON MUST be a MIL... haha.


    LOCK the door, always. Then she can't just walk in. I would just sit her down, with your hubby and you guys tell her how you feel. Then leave the rest up to her. If she wants to go by what you guys want fine if not she can leave...

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 12:44 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

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