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can she refuse visits over this? is what he did allowed?

my friend just called me freaking, she had to let her daughter go with her father yesterday ( the dad gets evey thursday from 4pm-8pm then one weekend day from 9am -7pm.. well apparently when my friend picked up her daughter her hair was in a side clip, well when they got home they took out the clip only to notice he cut her hair! he chopped her bangs into a circle ( longer on the ends shorter in the middle) AND cut the sides of her hair like completely off- did he have any legal rights to do this? my friend has physical and legal custody.. dad just have visitation.. is there anything she can do about this?
also, it was apparent that someone picked up the child by her belt loops on her jeans cause they were ripped and the dad stuck regular q-tips in her ears ( which can cause damage to the ear drums) there is proof of him doing this cause he sent my friend a pic of the dirty q-tips to show that the baby's ears were dirty.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Apr. 20, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (31)
  • I would report it to cps or wlfare an they may start monitoring his vistiation. If i was that concerned I most def. would report it in case of futher insidents.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Well there is no legal issue here. He cut her hair and it will grow back. She can bring it up in court if she wants to have it written up that she can not have a hair cut while he has her. As for the q-tip if her ears are dirty they need cleaned out and the dirt can cause an infection or anything. As long as her ears are not bleeding and he did not put them to far in she can do nothing about that either. As for the belt loops you would need proof someone picked her up that way. She would have to tell you who and you would have to see it. She could have gotten them caught on something. He is her father and he is allowed to do what he feels is right for her visitation rights only or not. I use q-tips on my 7 month old and she hasn't died from it yet nor does she have ear damage. If she wants legal actions then it needs to be in legal documents that he can't cut her hair or have it cut without but it goes 2 ways.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 2:19 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • I think she should give the guy a break. Damn...he is the baby's father.
    While he probably should have talked to the mom before cutting the LO's hair it really is not that big of a deal. It will grow back.
    If the kid had gunky ears then obviously the mom wasn't doing her job and shouldn't complain that he cleaned them. I use regular qtips all the time. I am sure he was careful or else she would be in pain and complaining.
    Just because he isn't the custodial parent doesn't mean he doesn't love his daughter and it doesn't mean he isn't doing his best.

    Answer by Nathskitten at 2:22 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • All these points seem quite trivial. While I understanding being upset about not being consulted about the hair cut, it was just a hair cut, not ear peircings or a tattoo! :) Anything can cause a belt loop to tear, unless you saw the child pick up that way it's all heresay. The Q-tip, while not recommended, can be used w/o damaging the ear if done with caution.

    This is a situation where mom and dad need to sit down and talk about the best way to deal with issues rather than calling an attorney etc. If they are not on speaking terms, then they will need an intermediary but I cna't imagine anyone loosing visitation over this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Wow you are way overboard. You have no proof that he picked her up by her belt loops, maybe it got caught on something. You cannot withold visits because he cut her hair or even if she cut her own do it all the time. Third, q-tips are not dangerous if used right. I clean my 9 month olds ears with q-tips. She should be cleaning her ears..that's disgusting that she doesn't. Leave the man alone, he obviously loves his child and is visiting her. I HATE when moms look for minor reasons to take the child out of the father's life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on Apr. 20, 2009


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Seriously...someone suggest calling CPS?

    I would be mad but this hardly abuse. I clean my kids ears with q-tips (carefully)...someone please take them away as I am surely unfit!

    I think I have probably grabbed my kids by the pants too. In fact I did it to my son the other day...picked him right up off the ground when he was about to run out in the street.

    Granted, I would be uber-pissed about the haircut, but I dont think it is abuse or illegal. I'd sure let him know I was mad though. Sounds like the ear cleaning issue was to show that your friend doesnt clean her ears well enough if he took pics to pass around.

    Seems like she is looking for something to be mad about.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • It sounds to me like the mama is trying to find a reason to get hysterical because she doesn't want the Dad having visits. Cutting her hair, cleaning her ears, and broken belt loops all sound kind of trivial when it's coming down to removing a Father's rights to see his child. That's a huge step to take and I think there should be actual abuse for that to happen. It doesn't sound like he's abusing her, it sounds like he's trying to care for her. He's her father. Give the guy a break. They aren't going to do everything by the book, neither do most of us.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • They say not to shove Q-tips into baby's ear canal. THey make special Q-tips to prevent paretns for putting them in too far, but a regular q-tip can be used safely if you use caution. Just becuase the mother obviously wants an excuse to keep the father away, does not mean the father should not be allowed near the child. Goodness, grow up and let a father be a father. There are so many that want nothing to do with their kids. It's relieving to see one who does.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • My ex SIL did the cleaning thing and hair type thing when she was trying to gain custody from my brother. Trying to show that he was an unfit father. She would wash one of my nephews shoes and take a pic of it next to the other. Mind you these were the play shoes he wore to daycare everyday. They were going to get dirty.

    As for the hair cut - she has legal and physical custody of the child. He doesn't have the right to change anything on the child weither it is hair cut or ears pierced. She needs to talk with her lawyer about it and keep a journal of everything that is happening in case he tries to get custody from her. BUT this is not a case for CPS. Its a matter for her attorney!

    PS Talk to ANY Dr. and they will say to not clean the ears with a qtip! She needs to point this out to him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

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