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Why don't men have to change?

It seems its very natural for women to change when we have a baby but why isn't it the same for men? Beyond the chemical, hormonal changes. Why is it automatic that WE make the lunch, put them to bed, bath them, while they just live as before we had the child together? I am running into many times with my husband where things are just ended up where I take on everything. I know we need a talk about it, but I want to know just how common this is and what helps or when does it get better?

 
maxsmom11807

Asked by maxsmom11807 at 2:34 PM on Apr. 20, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 29 (40,703 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • A lot of men want us to be their mommies too...lol. Sad but true. I think women are the logical ones. I think each case is different because the main thing is your supposed to be a team and balance each other out. If he is busting his butt all day then if at all possible it's just the nice thing to do to have something to put in his belly when he get's home. If on the other hand you've busted your butt and his job is fairly easy it should be the other way around. It might change daily. For a marriage to be decent at all things can not be black and white. You have to be able to change things to fit each situation. As a women sometimes you have to just not do things to get the point across. I think the whole point is thinking about what the conciderate thing to do is and expecting the same in return. Some things are just too complicating for men to grasp themselves, so we have to make them grasp it. : ) Go on strike!
    CynthiaJesseen

    Answer by CynthiaJesseen at 10:25 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • its common. i hate it. i feel lik the maid sometimes. or the pack mule. i had to carry her for 9 months i think he should hav to do something too
    xhellxfirex495

    Answer by xhellxfirex495 at 2:36 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • I would not put up with that!! he helped make the baby he needs to help care for the baby, I would seriously be like, "you know what? if you're not going to help me out, than I might as well just leave since im doing it all alone anyways"
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 2:46 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • It isn't automatic, it is what some women allow to happen. You need to TELL your SO that he has to help, no if ands or buts. Taking care of the family is BOTH parents jobs and I would NOT tolerate my SO doing nothing. He would find himself with no clean clothes, no meals made and no partner in his bed. I don't care if I was a SAHM or not.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 3:17 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • I'm glad I can say that wasnt the case in our home. With each child my husband has helped more and more. He has always taken an active roll in our kids lives, from day one. I cant tell you how many times, he has gotten up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby and let me sleep. When he's home, he usually gives me, if not the whole weekend, at least one day of it "off". Meaning I dont have to do anything. He gets up with the kids, cooks all the meals, cleans up, and takes care of me. I have never had to "tell" him or really even ask. He volunteers.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 3:33 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • I wouldn't say it's automatic unless you let it happen that way. If you expect your husband to just know what needs to be done, it's not gonna happen. My husband didn't start out helping out with everything, but when I pointed out to him that there were certain things he could do to help, and that I needed him to not just come home from work and go hang out with the neighbors all evening, he started pitching in. Now he cooks most nights of the week, helps me fold laundry once in a while, and changes almost every dirty diaper when he is home. But some of the things that you mentioned (bed time, baths, etc), he's just not that into and so I do them. He takes out the trash, mows the lawn and does other stuff that I hate doing.
    bethany169

    Answer by bethany169 at 4:14 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Give him the baby, leave the house, stay gone an hour,......repeat, increasing the amount of time that your gone, till your able to leave baby with daddy for the weekend and feel ok about it. Kid may be over 1-2 years by this point but at least you're making him parent alone.
    lstrickland

    Answer by lstrickland at 4:51 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • It's not just that I am the one doing all thngs for the kid, but my husband does less household stuff since our son came along.
    tiggermom803

    Answer by tiggermom803 at 8:33 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • It will only happen if you let it. My husband has always been hands on since we started trying for a baby. We really consider ourselves as a team when it comes to parenting.
    Mom2Just1

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 11:10 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

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