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ok... everyone thinks me and my SO are mis-matched. kinda like king of queens couple on TV.

My SO is a big guy (read overweight). I am not thin, but noting compared to him. he actually asks me once in awhile while we are folding laundry if my pants are his sons! his son is only 6... but a big boy like his dad! anyway, none of my friends think we belong, my guy is big and dont dress well. and i tend to take care of myself and my appearance. i know he knows it, ive mentioned it and he sometimes makes more of an effort on special occassions. part of the issue is that he just dont care. honestly dont care. how can i make him care about his appearance? i compliment him when he does dress nicer. im at my wits end about it. i can actually see peple do a double take sometimes when they realize we are "together" like if we kiss in public. and his hygeine... he says he showers every other day. he is up before me and uses the other bathroom, so i am not 100% sure that he does. i bathe everyday.

 
pammd

Asked by pammd at 4:39 PM on Apr. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (12 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Well there are two different issues here. (neither are leading to benefit him.)

    1, what do you think of him, and 2, what do others think of him?

    What about what does he think of himself ?
    Are you helping him feel more secure for himself? ..Are you encouraging him?
    Did you marry him this way?
    We cant change people to what we want them to be. Of course if his health is at risk , then you should step in..
    Otherwise , he is only reflecting what he feels inside.
    You have to be able to say " honey, it really bothers me when you dont shower daily. I wasnt brought up that way , so im not used to it, and i was hoping you could work on it, or we can work on it together? Feeling this way doesnt change how much i love you, because i love you so much"...or something like that...
    ..Instead of nagging or doing what his mom would do..talk, and be patient. And choose your words wisely with him. Encourage him.
    aMbeR012005

    Answer by aMbeR012005 at 6:52 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • You sound like you are really bashing your man.

    Is he nice to you, does he love you, treat you well, provide for you? Then that should matter the most. You did decide you were going to be with him right??? No one forced you, right?

    Then why all the worry about what others think.

    To me, you sound a bit snooty.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Nothing matters except if you are happy. If he is good to you, and you are happy.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 4:42 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • If you're happy with him, screw what other's think. If that's the only reason you want him to look nicer. If it's only because you think he should, was he this way before you met him? If so you may just have to deal with it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • Why does it bother you what other people think about you? I also don't understand why how he dresses bothers you. My husband is a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. The only time he wears something different is a funeral or wedding and even then, it's a fight to get his jeans away from him. But I don't care. That's what he is comfortable in and it doesn't matter to me. I wear dresses to work and I am always dressed up. I am really outgoing and a huge people person but he is very laid back and quiet. But we fit perfectly and make each other so happy. Honestly, I wouldn't care what people thought of our marriage. His friends have joked with him about his "hot wife" and how we ended up together. That thought has never crossed my mind. All I know is he is perfect for me and we make each other happy. It sounds like you are trying to change him a little bit. I slightly agree with the first anon.
    DDry

    Answer by DDry at 5:35 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • original poster here... re-reading my post i guess it does sound a little snooty. and i am not, by any means. and yes he makes me happy. but there is something to be said for hygeine and just some pride in your appearance. and im not talking like he just wears jeans and a tshirt. i have no qualms with that at all. its that he will wear a dirty t shirt that hes had on for 2 days - ands still wear it in public. he will wear the same socks to bed that he wore all day at work, then get up the next morning and put his shoes on, then wear them to bed again. you see what i mean now? if he has dirt (or whatever) on his clothes he is like "well we are just going to wal mart"...
    pammd

    Answer by pammd at 5:51 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

  • and not bashing him at all, i just want people to see him as i do. he is handsome and loving, i just think people are put off by his appearance. he even mentions the fact that he has no friends, and that mine dont come around any more. i am not trying to change him i would just like him to be aware of things that may be a reason why people dont befriend him
    pammd

    Answer by pammd at 5:58 PM on Apr. 20, 2009

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