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DH has been talking to a woman online and I am not comfortable with it

It started out innocently, but has progressed. They have been flirting back and forth, sent sexual bumper stickers (on Myspace) and have even exchanged phone numbers. I told him to cut off ties with her and how uncomfortable I feel about him talking to her. He won't do it. Instead he changed his passwords and deletes everything they say to each other. I know they haven't met in person yet, but if this continues they probably will. I don't know what to do. I am so hurt. His "friendship" with her is obviously more important than me, our 5 year marriage, and our two kids. I love him very much and don't want to leave him, but don't know what to do about him completely disrespecting me.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Apr. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • get him in a Mens group at a Baptist church
    no more sex till he stops!

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 12:57 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • This has no place good to go. You need to put your foot down and tell his he's cheating and you won't tolerate it. Do you have a place to go if you make the threat to walk out? This isn't a friendship, it's inappropriate.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 AM on Apr. 21, 2009


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Oh how I feel for you. It's not going to be easy. Make it stop NOW.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I have a friend whose wife told him he had to stop talking to me. He created a free account that she doesn't know about so he can continue to talk to me. We don't cheat on her. We just talk as friends and not all the time but after 40 yrs of marriage he thought he should be able to talk with whomever he pleased and that she should trust him. He would never cheat on her in a million years. She did damage to their relationship by making him stop talking to me...or so she thinks. My point is that sometimes you have to trust. Not all single women want to take away your husband. I don't want her husband. I don't even care if he ever contacts me again but to him it was the principle that she told him he had to stop talking to me. Maybe with your h standing up and saying no to you is a sign that your marriage is solid and he's not sneaking around doing anything wrong. He'll get tired and stop talking to her.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:44 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I recently had a similar problem with my husband, this is very painful and is a form of cheating. Cheaters will always deny everything. You need physical evidence that you can calmly present to him then ask him what he's going to do about this. Tell him what he's doing is really hurting you, do not do this when you are crying or emotional, I know its hard but talk to him calmly and sincerely. This is the hardest part but be willing to admit to your faults in the marriage, it doesn't justify him but it may help him to open up. Be the one to start changing. If he's a decent guy and doesn't have issues you guys can work this out, your kids are worth it. Dr. Laura Schlessinger really helped us begin putting things back together, check out, "the proper care and feeding of a marriage" helped us. Good luck, I know you're going through something really awful, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

    Answer by mamasita305 at 3:00 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • also, withholding sex usually does not work and makes things worse. Cheaters will look for any little thing to justify their actions, because really they feel bad but don't want to deal with the guilt. Getting mad, insults, withholding sex, anything like that will only push them further away. If you really want to fix things start by being nice, doing things you maybe used to do for him but haven't in a while. Men are simple, they want food, sex, and appreciation. Have patience and be strong, time is the best healer of all. Hope everything works out.

    Answer by mamasita305 at 3:05 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • He is emotionally cheating on you and that can be more dangerous then just a physical romp in the hay! I don't agree with above poster.. yes you should be able to talk to whom you want.. but a Married man has NO business talking to other Women the level that he and she are speaking. Guys are not like women. Women are emotional and are looking for someone to share feelings with etc. Ever listen to guys conversations? they are a helleva lot shorter than ours! So if he is putting time and effort into this woman guess who he isn't putting time or effort into ? YOu! Sorry you are dealing with this.. he is being very insensitive!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:07 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Unless the woman in question is a part of his online role-playing game and they're planning strategy, this is called an "emotional affair" and you guys need to talk NICELY about it and you should listen to what he saying IF he's being honest and candid about his real feelings.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:06 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • He does not respect your feelings nor you.
    Personally if it was me and he did not stop I would not want to be with him anymore.
    There is no reason he should have to go outside the marriage and do this...unless ofcourse
    he is looking for something..
    I would put my foot down and if he does not do as you wish I would walk right over him.

    Answer by Dannee at 9:33 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

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