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Do you have trouble making friends in "the real world"?

I do, I actually do on here too. I am an introvert and I am not good at initiating friendships. I am afraid of rejection and I don't want to seem desperate. I know I sound crazy but I would really like to overcome this but I just don't know how. I have very strong beliefs about certain things and I think that would push some people away. I guess I am afraid to put myself out there. Anyway, has anyone else ever delt with this? If so, how did you handle it?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Apr. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Well your beliefs are just that. I have many friends who believe many different things and we just leave those subjects at bay to avoid conflict. We are who we are and love you or hate you that is who you are. You shouldn't push your beliefs off on others and give people a chance even if they don't believe what you believe. I am agnostic and most of my friends are devout christians and we don't have issues we just don't discuss it. I don't believe in abortion but I have a friend who has had 2 and we just don't talk about it. I don't mind inter-racial dating and most of my friends do so we just leave it alone and they accept me for me and I accept them for who they are. Be more open minded and put yourself out there. You cant complain about being friendless or not being able to make friends if you hide in the shadows of your own beliefs all the time.
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 10:16 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Oh wow, whoa, okay, brailynsmama08. You totally misunderstood me. I do not push my beliefs on other people. I said that I am an introvert. I have been for my entire life. Long before I even formed my beliefs. What I meant by that is that one of my fears is that if someone finds out what my beliefs are that they will not except me because of them. If their beliefs are different. What were you waiting for an opportunity to make someone feel bad or worse than I already did? And yes, it does happen maybe not to you but some people do not except people whose beliefs are different than their own. I was not asking this question for you to come along and try to psychoanalyze me. You do not know so why are you forming opinions about me "hiding behind my beliefs"? The question was if anyone else has experienced this how did THEY deal with it. "this" meaning being an introvert.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I have always had trouble making friends. But I have found a great group of moms and have found some really special friends. And I agree with brailynsmama. We all believe different things and have different views and we accept each other the way we are.
    scrappincrazee

    Answer by scrappincrazee at 10:32 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • okay, I guess I should have just left the part out about the whole beliefs thing because that seems to be the focus now. That is just an example of some of the things that go through my mind as someone who is naturally introverted. I did the best I could with the question without giving my entire life story. I really appreciate the answers that you all are giving but please ignore the whole "beliefs" part and give me advice on how to overcome being an introvert if you can. Thank you and I apologize if I sound rude.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Maybe you should challenge yourself, and try talking to a total stranger. Or, try joining some kind of class where there are other people doing the same things that you enjoy doing. Making friends is hard for a lot of people, I would not consider myself an introvert, although i can be sometimes totally introverted, but usually it doesn't last & i need to go socialize. But i still have a hard time making friends. Maybe you should ask yourself why you have a fear of rejection, maybe if you can tackle the reason behind it, you wont have that fear anymore. Don't worry about your beliefs pushing people away, don't even think about that. Anyway you don't want a friend who is judgemental. Real friends don't care about that stuff. I will be your friend if you want to be mine :)

    I have struggled with fear of rejection. I am now trying to change that. I'm learning to not care what anyone else thinks.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:15 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Yes....I know just what you mean. I am an introvert, a loner, the quiet one, shy even....whatever they wanna call me. I have had a hard time with this my whole life. I try hard when going to things like weddings and such, but I always feel uncomfortable. My own wedding was the worst! Not that it was a bad wedding, it was great, but SO many people....all expecting me to be something that I am not. I try to focus on a few people in a group setting that I do know and branch out slowly if need be. I personally do not have a bunch of friends because many don't seem to understand me....maybe it's just me though. I try to reach out to others at church and not let it paralyze me though. I find that for myself it is much better for me to have just a few really good friends and focus on those relationships than to try to push myself for more than that. Good luck Mama. You are not alone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Anon 7:29...Thank you so much. That is what I was looking for. I just wanted to know that I am not alone in this and that I am not the only person that feels this way. You sound like you just described me perfectly in every word that you wrote. Your response was encouraging for me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • For me , well i guess you could say its making friends. Its easier to open up on here than with people in person.  I have a few friends ive held on to. Im comfotable with them in my life, but i could use more. Im not giving up.
    A crowd gets me anxious and overwhelmed, so i just stay away from that kind of setting .Church is pretty difficult for me. I love going, but talking with just anyone..its challenging. Its something ive also struggled with since forever, but im going to keep working on it. I am really tired of it effecting my life.  Guard your thoughts.

    aMbeR012005

    Answer by aMbeR012005 at 1:35 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I am an introvert too but having kids and taking them to school has forced me to deal with people! Lol! My husband is also in the public eye so that has made me work at it as well. I think you have to take breath and put yourself in sometimes uncomfortable situations and just deal with it the best you can. Take a pottery class, sit at starbucks or the park or do something that interests you. If you ski, join a ski club, etc. It is hard to find good friends as you age and move away or around. Im a total spiritualist and a republican, talk about getting hammered for beliefs! Anyway, you are what you are and accepting that, beliefs and all, is what you have to do. But put yourself out there so you're in a place/environment where you can meet friends or at least familiar faces.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 2:27 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Take your kids to the park or a play area. Chat up some of the other mamas; compliment their children or their handbag or something, just get a conversation going and flow with it. It doesn't have to be a complete meeting of the minds, just get into the swing of talking to people!
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 4:22 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

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