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Do you get jealous of your mother-in-law?

When your DH buys and do things for her? DH and I just moved in November so we have tons of things that needs to get done around the house and he tells me he's tired, too busy. And I know it's because they aren't things that aren't important to him like putting up a decorative picture on the kids wall, or putting up curtain rods for me. But when his parents call for anything, he'll jump in the car the same day and drive across town to do it. Am I wrong for being pissed and jealous?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Apr. 21, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • It's actually great that he is there for them and willing to help them out. I do agree though that when you get married, your family with your wife should become your priority. It could be that it's not that he doesn't care as much about you, but that he feels guilt in his relationship with his mother (guilt is a powerful motivator) and feels more comfortable to be himself and be honest with you. Perhaps you could assume that, and talk to him from that positive perspective; let him know that you love how sweet his is with his parents, and you appreciate that he feels comfortable enough with you to let you know when he doesn't feel like helping out... but that you are starting to feel taken for granted. If you can be nonjudgmental, assume he is a loving husband who DOES want you to feel satisfied, and use "I" statements (I feel____ when this happens, because I think ____) instead of "you" statements (You always do this to me!)
    Collinsky

    Answer by Collinsky at 1:41 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • You are capable of doing those things yourself. Perhaps the older folks are not. I wouldn't begrudge him helping mom and dad. We old folks need all the help we can get. We could break a hip putting up a rod!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:35 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • My MIL has been MIA for 5 years now and I love it. My husband did the same thing so I did everything myself and then when he asked me to do for him I waited until he did it himself. It got to the point I would say if you go there then when your done your doing this for me because our home comes first and your parents can do things without you.
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 1:36 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I didn't have the opportunity to meet her she passed away 5 months before my husband and I started dating. I wish I had known her. Tell him how you feel maybe he doesn't realize hes doing that
    Yellowrose9

    Answer by Yellowrose9 at 1:36 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • You're not exactly wrong for being jealous or upset. But you may be overreacting a little bit. Have you discussed this with him directly? Tell him "I feel like you're closer to your parents than you are to me." Try not to accuse him of anything, just explain how his actions make you feel. Then he won't feel like he's being attacked. He may not actually realize it's a problem. Once you get it out in the open, maybe he'll be willing to change his ways.
    MommyDumDum

    Answer by MommyDumDum at 1:37 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • No you have good reason.

    Have you tried talking tot him about it?

    He should do this for you as well not just when his parents call.

    Is he the only child?

    I hate to ask this but...Do you have any reason to suspect he could be cheating? Just asking..sorry

    Just hang in there and talk with him it is not fair for you to do this alone or just don't do anything until he notices and questions it then you can say oh I was just waiting for you to help me I can't do this alone you know. GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 1:37 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • No, not jealous at all. I am glad that my husband was able to help.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:44 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • This is not an either or situation. The love for a parent and the love for a spouse can be equal in weight, but totally different in meaning. He is a good son to help his parents. They are fortunate to have him, as he is fortunate that he still has them. Perhaps one of the things you love about him is his willingness to give, and show appreciation.....to his parents in doing such a wonderful job in raising him. His parents may have given him more than you are aware of, and this is one way he shows his gratitude. And he's probably just a really great son.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 1:44 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • got cut off!

    I think that that method of communicating actually works toward getting things changed; nagging or attacking tends to make it worse. And stifling your own needs and getting more and more resentful also doesn't help! I found a huge difference when I changed the way I talked to my Dh. I was actually able to become MORE honest, by saying it more positively, and he was able to be more receptive because his defenses didn't go up. It's well worth trying - you might have to work really hard at first to NOT say things the way you'd like, I know I did... it was well worth the effort, and instead of "giving up my power" by not yelling at him and really giving it to him, I got what I wanted, ended up with better communication, AND had an even stronger connection with Dh. Win/win.
    Collinsky

    Answer by Collinsky at 1:45 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • No, I don't have reason to think he's cheating and I know he's going there when he says so because sometimes he'll even take the kids. For example on Sunday, they called saying that they can't hook up a TV that WE bought them and had delivered, so he jumped up and went over there. Today he is off from work and instead of asking me if I need him to do anything around the house, he went to buy them a converter box and hook up their TV.

    And no, he is not the only child but he is the 1 child of the 3 that is probably the most accomplished.

    I haven't talked to him about it yet because I know it won't come out in a nice way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Apr. 21, 2009