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Does any of this help?

I've recently stayed away from the Q&A section because there seemed to be less "questions" and more "war starters." I wonder what the Q&A was really designed for (in all of the categories). I assume it is to help people - help them get questions answered that they don't know the answer to. So I wonder, have the questions (and subsequent answers) helped you and how so? Or have they only begun to frustrate you? Or in a topic as emotional as adoption, is it difficult to ask concrete questions - because there isn't a "right" answer?


Asked by muptgirl at 2:29 PM on Apr. 21, 2009 in Adoption

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This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I think you are experiencing what many of us have come to recognize....that the Q&A section does not allow for the fullness of dialogue that the importance and depth of our adoption questions deserve.

    There are really good adoption related groups here on CafeMom that include members who are willing to step forward (not anonymous) and try to assist people through their particular areas of interest.

    That said, this section can be a good opportunity to stay informed of what people's true feelings are in adoption. Sometimes the anonomous answers really do represent what people think but are afraid to own. That's important to know and keep in touch with as well....groups tend to attract people that "think alike" and while that's comforting it doesn't always build the bridges that are needed in this important area.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 7:58 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Honestly, it has been difficult getting my questions answered, I may get 4 or 5 answers to my questions on adoption, home studies and angencies. It seems legitimate questions only get 4-5 answers, but the trouble questions get tons of responses! It doesn't really help me get the answer to my questions, and it gets discouraging when others get a ton of responses.

    Answer by Christian-Mom79 at 3:17 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I only started coming here very recently but have already seen what you are talking about. I have however been drawn her more and more because I find it refreshing that you can speak without feeling the risk of the "posse" after you. Some people simply have too much time on their hands and will badger you. I have also found that there are many groups who have radically changed in dynamics with different owner/admin changes in the last couple of months and have scared many aparents away from talking about real topics. Posting seems to be down it seems in every group (but here).
    Finally, I like the word limit and the phrasing of a question.. There are some women who will cut and post 2,000 word essays from other sources.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I don't find that there is a war so much as this particular forum is a dissussion group that has women from different experiences comming to discuss adoption. Some questions are worded poorly. It doesn't mean that it is not a valid topic of conversation. It is a place where I have seen usually the same group of women who regularly speak from their experiences. Sometimes we agree, disagree, start the finger pointing....but in the end it seems that this is more healing and helpful to the ones that return often. Yes, sometimes it can be bitter. But from where I type I am seeing that it is a way to vent, share, and inform. From all sides. It can get heated b/c all sides are very passionate. I believe all individual experiences are valid and it is important not to be dismissive of a particular experience. As a collective - stories can be very powerful when you see common threads.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I know that from my past experience, the answers that I have received to any of my questions pertaining to adoption ended up being more of a debate than actual answers that was helpful to me or that even related to the question that was asked. I was so aggravated, that from then on, I've started asking all of my questions anonomously. I just don't want the hassle from all the adoption-bashing members! It's almost like what's the point of even asking a question that will be answered with such nastiness and bitterness?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • See! That's what I'm talking about :) The ability to be anon can bring out ugliness and also the honesty of those well intentioned.

    I see hope here......and promise....for all of us.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 11:53 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I agree with PortAngeles' first post, although I don't personally feel that many bridges are being built. I wish that I felt this was a place where we could have dialogue and make progress understanding each other. It seems like we just repeat the same arguments. We all have strong feelings, and we all want our feelings and experiences to be validated. I really question whether any of this is healthy for any of us.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:20 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • To the Mom who feels she doesnt get answers to her serious questions about homestudies, etc. I think that is usually because people dont know the answers, a large majority of women on here are birthmothers and many of those bmoms placed 20+ years ago. They won't know about as much about the homestudy process so that cuts your responses down. When you ask a general question about an opinion, then everyone can contribute.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Yesterday I took one look at the questions titles and hightailed it out of here. I just couldn't stomach it anymore. Sometimes I enjoy a good debate, but sometimes it seems that's all there is in here.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 7:42 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I haven't really asked questions, but have answered a few. I think to some point it is helpful, as long as the question asker can ignore the drama llamas and not let them get to her. I do see how things can get out of hand, this is a very touchy subject

    Answer by mikeyjavimami21 at 10:00 AM on Apr. 22, 2009