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family members holding my new born baby?

hi! im new to CM. and i am about to have my baby girl on thursday (induced). This is my first child and im really protective already. I know that i have to let other people hold her, but i have a feeling that i am going to be reallly pissed off if they walk up to me and demand "gimme gimme gimme!"

i guess i should explain. my boyfriend's family is really rude. They have just been aweful to me during this pregnancy because we aren't married. i've been ask by his sisters "how is MY baby" (haha.. its not yours you didnt carry it is what i want to say back) and "are you really suppose to get that fat when your preg?" ive been referred to as "that girl daniel knocked up" and my sonogram was described as a "skunks face" bc it was black and white and hard to see. I have even been told that all babies are ugly and mine's no exception.

basically, how do i get over my hate for them their rudeness and let them hold their grandD/neice?

Answer Question
 
honeybee429

Asked by honeybee429 at 3:35 PM on Apr. 21, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (48)
  • i made my entire family wash there hands first and if it was someone i really didnt want to hold my lil one i would make up excuses like he needs fed or his is tired let me get him to sleep or he has been clingy all day, or with one i just straight told them not right now let me bond with him before you do. you dont have to be nice its your baby
    Quintensmom

    Answer by Quintensmom at 3:38 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I'm sorry they're rude to you. That's terrible. And I hope to think new babies are cute :). As for letting them hold her, that's entirely up to you. You don't have to let them. I still have family who hasn't held my son (he's 9 weeks) just because....well....I don't like them lol
    vicki136

    Answer by vicki136 at 3:39 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Well, this is not an issue where YOU need to change. THEY Need to change in order for you to feel comfortable enough letting them hold your baby. Why would you think they would be gentle enough or careful enough when they are clueless as it is to be so rotten to a pregnant woman. I sure hope your boyfriend is sticking up for you and supporting you while they are being so awful. As to not wanting people holding your infant, I was very over protective while I was pregnant but eased up once I had my son - it got easier - but my son had colic also so that could have what made it easier for me to let other hold him.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:39 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • oooooo! I hated MIL holding my baby. I was like a pit bull w/ her puppies. It's normal to feel protective of your baby. You can tell your Dr. that you don't want any visitors, regardless if they are your baby's father's family, they have to respect that. That's what i did. You don't want to see people that don't respect you after the trauma of giving birth, trust me. They can wait to hole him/her when daddy has his time with the baby. Really, consider asking the Dr.'s nurses that you only want so & so in the room, & that the others make you feel uncomfortable. They have to comply w/ the patient.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:39 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • ummm i don't know what to tell you about how they've been acting. but i would def say something to your BF about it, now is the time for him to speak up and say shes the mother of my child, if it is like that when you are preg just imagine the "thats wrong, bad mom, spoiled baby" crap you'll get when your dd is here. as for letting them hold her, just breath, if they demand to hold her, i would say you are welcome to hold her for a few mins but at this time i have to...feed, change diaper, check diaper whatever that way they know yes you are allowing them to hold her but at that time shes your kid and you are going to take her back and take care of her.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 3:39 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Tell them that if they can't mind their manners, wash their hands, and play nice, they aren't getting anywhere near her! You aren't going to have that toxic attitude influence YOUR daughter just days after she is brought into this world.

    Just make it a fun house rule that they can build bonus points by cleaning up their language, watching their manners, and making sure they have washed their hands in order to hold the baby!
    Gypsy98

    Answer by Gypsy98 at 3:41 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • You could always be the bigger person and share...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Honestly. Don't let them even near your baby. You do NOT HAVE to let ANYONE hold her or touch her. If they ask to, I would say "uhhh no, why would you want to hold someone so ugly and skunk faced?" and after you lose your baby weight I would show it off and just go around saying "i look better than you AND i have a baby" people can be SO rude. them talking to you like that just pisses me off. I would NOT tolerate that AT ALL. Your boyfriend needs to say something to them. And on top of all that, they are DAMN lucky that I'm not you. I would've said things to them that the devil himself wouldn't say. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I say avoid them completely. They don't need a place in this baby's life. This is YOUR baby. YOU decide what goes. NOT them. Good luck momma, and congrats on your new BEAUTIFUL baby. =]
    mommykayti

    Answer by mommykayti at 3:43 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • the GREAT thing about being the mommy is that if you dont want them to hold her you dont have to! you can even tell the hospital people you dont want any of them in your room! dont play dirty but stand firm! if they are not going to respect you then F**K them! thats what i say! and if they ask why you didnt let them see her just say because i didnt want anyone telling me how ugly my baby is! im happy to have her i think she is perfect and im not going to let ANYONE spoil my time with connecting with MY baby! GOOD LUCK!!

    woobie102

    Answer by woobie102 at 3:44 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I am sorry that his family has thier head's up thier butt's and have been so rude to you. That really isn't cool. But this is a time where you take the high road. This is his child to and there is no real way to get around his family, unless he put's his foot down (which I am hoping he at least tries to put them in place) . But here are a few things that might help.

    Make visiting hours only during certian times of the day, especially in the begining when you aren't going to be up to much visitors..pick two or three days of the week where visitors are ok, and what time frame. Then ask that they call ahead of time so "you can have the baby ready for a visit" never mind that it is to really give you a heads up. And try not to refuse during these times.

    Then allow thier comments to roll of your back, I know that is easier said then done, and I am sure you want nothing more then to slap them....

    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 3:48 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

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